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    dots Submission Name: So Closedots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 916
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 619

       Tony stood too close to me last night. That's all I can really say.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSo Closedots

    He stood so close
    That I could feel his breath against my ear.
    He whispered something to me
    That I couldn't really hear.
    He stood so very close to me
    That his shoulder brushed my own.
    Then his body pressed a little closer,
    And I could smell his cologne.
    It was a scent I knew too well,
    One that caused my heart to race.
    I wanted to turn and kiss his lips,
    Connect that smell with a face.
    Then he turned and walked away.
    My pulse began to slow.
    He was just a stranger that smelled
    Like this boy I used to know.

    Submitted on 2005-10-11 09:18:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      That was so kool... It causes everyones to beleive it will lead to some sort of passionate and moving moment when it is only a stranger with the same smell..It still leads to a moving moment to me.. simpley wonderful
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by Dark_Angel | [ Reply to This ]
      Amazing. Simply amazing. The entire poem builds up, tempting you to simply think that it's another passion piece, tenderly playing across your own mind. Then, at the end, it drops you on the ground, letting you wonder what exactly happened.

    Beautiful, in every respect. The rhyme scheme was unobtrusive, allowing unity and nothing more. It fits perfectly in that respect.

    I can imagine the scene in my head. Fantastic job. A favorite, for sure.
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by Tissue | [ Reply to This ]
      another one i love! girl you speak my language with all this...in fact last night i was at a bar and this guy came up to get a drink and smelled just like this guy i know. then he spoke and sounded just like him, but when i turned to look, not him. i thought i was going crazy until my friend was like, OMG that sounded just like Travis, and smelt like him to...scary. but great write

    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this a lot, because you said what you wanted with enough emotion that it wasn't too much, and you didn't need to make it really long to describe what you felt.

    I can't honestly say that this has ever happened to me, but i can understand the emotion of it from helping friends get through similar times. This is a great write, keep up the great work.

    Cheers, Azael
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by Anticlownperson | [ Reply to This ]
      There is nothing I would change in this...I thought this was just eloquent in style and leaves your reader (one who can relate) with a soft *sigh*

    kinda reminded me of an OOLLLLD song "thought I heard your voice yesterday, when I turned around to say that I loved you then I realized that it was just my mind playing tricks on me..."

    this is a fav add no doubt!

    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]

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