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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: One Step Behinddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dreamweaver
    ASL Info:    28/f/WI
    Elite Ratio:    7.22 - 1022/443/42
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 1099
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 827



    Description:
       This was written for a friend of mine, going through the motions of life and not knowing exactly where the future is going to lead.

    Truth be known: Mike (inspirit999) is a terrific friend and I just want him to know that he's not alone, there are people that do care!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOne Step Behinddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I can feel your pain,
    I see your scars.
    So completely broken down,
    feeling lost.
    A heart that once loved so freely,
    slowly losing the will to go on.
    Falling to your knees,
    asking the simple question,
    why?

    Dreams desperate to be saved from the ocean of tears you've cried,
    watch as the light of hope goes up in flames.
    See yourself travelling down this never ending road to nowhere.

    Stand up,
    Move on.
    Trust your heart to love again.

    Those closest to you so easily pushed away,
    along with every glimmer of happiness.

    Time's presence will heal yesterday's wounds,
    no matter how deep.
    Whenever you begin to fall,
    I'm one step behind you.




    Submitted on 2005-10-11 09:29:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is the first piece I've read here in more than an a month and I'm glad I started here.

    There are two qualities that come through here: a true recognition of a friend's sorrow and the willingness to help.

    Very nicely done.



    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-07-29 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this write. To me, this write is an example of you collecting and presenting your thoughts best. I think you did an excellent job of conveying your empathy, and the helplessness that it entails in the first stanza, and you followed that to an excellent catharsis at the end. Well done.

    The only complaint I have with this particular write is the lack of formatting. I am badly guilty of this, which is why it stands out to me. There is no real rhythm or flow to it. The wording choices and such are really well done, but you change formats four times, and it is more than mildly distracting.
    | Posted on 2006-04-07 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! Seems to me like you are really a true friend to this person and let me tell ya true friends are hard to find this day in tiime. But the imagery you have left in this poem to me clearly shows you care and that you are a very caring person of others. For this reason I really enjoyed read'n this piece and I think you did a wonderful job composing it. Your friends are very lucky to have you,
    Take care,
    !doc'
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      Time's presence will heal yesterday's wounds,
    no matter how deep.
    Whenever you begin to fall,
    I'm one step behind you.

    This one stanza depicts all frienship is in itself. Amazing.

    I see that you wrote this for a friend and I must say that this was probably the best friendship poem I have ever seen someone write for one of their friends. I am looking forward to reading some more of your writing.

    take care,
    Dré
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by longwinterdays | [ Reply to This ]
      Candi this is a beautiful piece im very proud of you. ok let me put aside any emotion for the time being just so i can give this poem some looking into.

    "i can feel your pain" is a note of empathy between you and said person. seeing the scars could mean knowing the hurts of the past which goes back to the previous empathy line in harmony. "so completely broken down" reminds me of that rock bottom phase one goes through just before they seek out help. "feeling lost" ok im getting emotional here sorry but this is very touching. "A heart that once loved so freely," i see myself in that big time geeez do you have alot of lost friends? i have that heart that loves and then fades away goes cold. its not good at all to be that way. its a product of my own doing, i destroy a part of myself so i wont have to feel the pain of a broken heart. its a cowardly way to go, i guess many would frown on such things. but few understand spiritual treachery and few can comprehend why people hate themselves. ok moving on this is a good mirror poem so far. "slowly losing the will to go on." yeah two Sundays ago i felt that still do kinda, I wrote out a bad poem today but fortune has it that i left it in my truck it was another end my existence type poem hmmm maybe if i remember it i could post it tonight maybe not though ok ok back to the write. "Falling to your knees, asking the simple question, why?" good lines and whew for once i dont see myself i do ask why just not on my knees about stuff. of course being on the knees doesn’t have to be a physical thing one can just be in a mood of submission and its about the same thing in that case i would say yeah that could be another thing that’s the same. whoever this friend is though we got a whole heck of alot in common.

    these lines here are so lovely even in its depressed tone and very moving...
    "Dreams desperate to be saved from the ocean of tears you've cried,
    watch as the light of hope goes up in flames.
    See yourself traveling down this never ending road to nowhere."
    i cant even touch those lines they are so wonderfully put.

    the commands are great too...

    Stand up,
    Move on.
    Trust your heart to love again.

    i agree its easier said then done in some situations you think yes i can move on its no big deal a person end up deluding themselves into a even worse state as before by denial of the problem. but if that heart could love again it would be magnificent!

    "Those closest to you so easily pushed away" boy does that one hit again, that is me to the core. anytime i get too close i end up falling away or freaking out. those last line are fabulous. my favorite two lines are:

    "Whenever you begin to fall, I'm one step behind you." that is a friendship no one can touch and even the person who has all those things mentioned in this write should be ever so strong in that friendship cause it is priceless.

    for excellence and for a poem i can so deeply connect to in practically every single line. thank you for writing such a touching and valuable poem about a very meaningful friendship.

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      i feel this is much more than just a poem,its a statement of a testimony of a bond of a very strong friendship,an arm around a shoulder,a an ear to lend and and a shoulder to cry on.One step behind you,so much can be read in these words,so much that remains unsaid,ready to catch them when they fall,guide them and advise them but most importantly to let them know you are there for them no matter what ,very beautiful candi
    Graham
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by gd66uk | [ Reply to This ]
      This is just perfect. A true testiment to lasting friendship. I hope your friend knows how lucky they are to have someone there for them no matter what. It's a great feeling. Between my hubby and Chell, I know I'm covered! lol Great write,
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      Overall, the poem was without a strong punch, until the final lines. That seemed to pull the entire poem together for me, warranting another read. I can really feel the speaker's (who, apparently, is you) intention, spirit, and passion throughout the piece. Like a young boy guiding a fallen sheep. "You can do it. Just keep moving, I'll be behind you all the way."

    Beautiful, really. I have to be honest and say that the vehicle wasn't particularly superb, but the theme itself was wonderful.
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by Tissue | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a great poem Candi! So full of caring emotions and inspiration. Life can be so hard and it keeps coming at you whether you are ready or not. Just knowing there is a good friend there to confide in, to lean on in times of difficulty is such a priceless gift. No matter how strong one is there are always times when even they need someone to turn to. Your friend is indeed very fortunate to have you there for them and to have such a lovely poem written for them. So much wisdom spoken in this final stanza:


    Time's presence will heal yesterday's wounds,
    no matter how deep.
    Whenever you begin to fall,
    I'm one step behind you.

    And such a promise of friendship to offer! This is a great poem you have written. So touching and speaks the meaning of a true and loyal friendship. Excellent! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a powerful poem. I have a friend who is making some VERY BAD decisions right now, and has been for the last year or so. This poem is similar to one that I wrote.
    One thing that both your poem and my poem have in common is the fact that we support our friends and are there for them. We see there problems and stand behind them, there to catch them when they fall.
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by Spiderwebb123 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a wonderful poem.
    this is would be something i would hang on my wall to remember.

    'Falling to your knees,
    asking the simple question,
    why?'

    that simple question just haunts you day after day.
    you really brought that out.
    how you just sit there wondering.. why?

    'Stand up,
    Move on.
    Trust your heart to love again.'

    trusting your heart to love again.
    you never know.. you always wonder... what if?
    what if it happens again?

    'Time's presence will heal yesterday's wounds,
    no matter how deep.
    Whenever you begin to fall,
    I'm one step behind you.'

    the ending was so encouraging.
    your friend is very lucky to have someone like you.
    its so nice knowing that there is someone there for you every step of the way.
    no matter what.
    great job on this.
    i wouldnt change a thing
    ~jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]


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    77218

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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