There are things in life; victims of
remorse. Chances to be taken,
things that could be. Blame
others for being so damn happy.
Their laughter and smiles cause us
further sorrow and bitterness.
Regret is their enemy,
and our friend.
This was pretty good. I can't say I'm not too fond of line breaks though like you have them. But yours weren't that bad. I don't think I really relate to this either. Well actually so I don't look like a poser lol I have to agree basically with everything Tissue said. This was is a tough one to comment on but I understand the anger and frustration you get when you get more views on your work and less comments so I thought I'd say something even though it wasn't much. anyways thats all for now...
Interesting. I can not say that I relate, but a good piece nonetheless. The line breaks were clean and orderly, marking out natural pauses in the speech despite the lack of punctuation. What I missed in this, though, was a connection. There wasn't anything to really connect to. Nothing stood out enough for me to grasp onto it and remember it in a year. I can't really make sense of it, other than the fact that it is certainly negative.
So, I can't really say good job, as I couldn't feel what it was you were trying to convey. Good effort, though.