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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Happinessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jac
    ASL Info:    17,F,Kansas City
    Elite Ratio:    3.59 - 11/14/6
    Words: 46
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 688
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 293



    Description:
       This poem is inspired by "Silence," a poem written by Sarah A. Kegley. Sometimes others happiness can make you feel like this. Tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHappinessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There are things in life; victims of
    remorse. Chances to be taken,
    things that could be. Blame
    others for being so damn happy.
    Their laughter and smiles cause us
    further sorrow and bitterness.
    Regret is their enemy,
    and our friend.




    Submitted on 2005-10-11 11:42:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very well done. Magnicat is working on a series where she personifies human traits, and this reminded me of that somewhat.

    Well thought out and written, it works well.

    I liked it lots, well done.

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was pretty good. I can't say I'm not too fond of line breaks though like you have them. But yours weren't that bad. I don't think I really relate to this either. Well actually so I don't look like a poser lol I have to agree basically with everything Tissue said. This was is a tough one to comment on but I understand the anger and frustration you get when you get more views on your work and less comments so I thought I'd say something even though it wasn't much. anyways thats all for now...


    Brenna
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting. I can not say that I relate, but a good piece nonetheless. The line breaks were clean and orderly, marking out natural pauses in the speech despite the lack of punctuation. What I missed in this, though, was a connection. There wasn't anything to really connect to. Nothing stood out enough for me to grasp onto it and remember it in a year. I can't really make sense of it, other than the fact that it is certainly negative.

    So, I can't really say good job, as I couldn't feel what it was you were trying to convey. Good effort, though.
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by Tissue | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    77239

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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