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    dots Submission Name: Torndots

    Author: _winky_
    ASL Info:    25/f/minnesota
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 664/529/96
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 958
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 925

       first draft, just some thoughts on a challenge i was given, let me know what ya'll think

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Torn between the life I know
    And the life I want to have
    Wanting what I canít contain
    And containing what I donít want
    Losing sight of what itís about
    Forgetting how great love is

    Crying over losing him
    Does no good to me now
    Seeing what I should have
    Slowly kills me somehow
    Waking without that smile
    Upon his face and mine

    So here I am in-between the two
    Canít chose which way to go
    Stay where they all think I belong
    Or go where I feel at home
    No one to talk to, so no one to help
    Iíll continue to sit here, torn.

    Thoughts continue to haunt my mind
    Words replay until I can no longer cry
    Stare into the wide open sky
    Wish upon the star I see for release
    To break free from all these chains
    Searching for that inner peace

    Submitted on 2005-10-11 14:13:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    This is a very good write on human emotion
    It shows the true game of life in all its fury

    My advice is of course
    Go where you feel at home
    you will be more comfortable and at peace not worrying what others think

    Great Write
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I think your poem is good, but it seems that it needs a little more to it. I like the last stanza the most but it feels a little cut off. It has the potential. I bid you good writing.

    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by aclu4blu | [ Reply to This ]
      i think every boy or girl has gone through this delimma at least once, im going through it now...I has potential, and some good lines like:
    "So here I am in-between the two
    Canít chose which way to go
    Stay where they all think I belong
    Or go where I feel at home
    No one to talk to, so no one to help"
    personally i see that as the best description of what your poem is about.This poem is good, but if you rework it, it has great potential.Good luck with your writing.
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]

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