Description: this is my first post here. I heard about this site from a friend. I wish it was easier to find people on this site. Anyway, maybe he will reply to this..and if not, any other replies are welcome.
Leaves rustle in the breeze
A 60 cycle hum lies beneath
the chaos of humanity walking the streets
And nature brings it all to it's knees
It's been this way awhile
the endless circle of things
It'll be this way a while
the turbulent existence of beings
I dread myself
I dread my droll smile
I regret your coldness you regret my lack of style
That's what I tell myself
to make it through the night
"I'll be here awhile"
I'll be alright
you come around
and I "imagine" your smile
"only in dreams"
such a beautiful thing
A sick state of being.
A mere rockstar fantasy
Cold clashs with reality
A total loss of feeling
Tired and numb
stale and old
youthful fantasies
congregate
harsh reality
Some amongst us don't grow
others self conciously become old
The healthy blossom and continue to shake the mold
those more rigid stay glued to a local barstool
and are dead inside even before the end of their youth
Or maybe that is a facade put up to block
the adolescent notion that
maturing is an arrogant shame;
Youthful arrogance gone to waste
O lamentable loss of naivety
How great it was to draw attention
with honest youthful exuberance
and immense amounts of tension
True ignorance was a blessing
There were no lies
Festering wounds left alone
Decieved not the troubled eye
How lonely; a transitional stage
unsure concern over true needs and desires
over-wary of bitter rage
bottled up adolescent, emotional fires
abandoned in a resentful place
with a need to go higher
sabatoged by a lack of desire
and a paradoxical inability to turn the page
Gypped by time
the clock ticks on
stuck in a transition
a jaded vacuum away from fun
nothing to look back on
nothing to look foward too
perpetual adolescence
brews a trancendentally aimless stew
fuuuck man! this was AWESOME! great! and stuff . . . . i couldn't take a breath or anything i just had to keep reading. i don't really know what else to say - it was really moving. sad and depressing with hidden answers of sorts. beautiful. just [censored] beautiful.
you'll like this place. it's cool place for writers to hang out and exchange ideas and some times get on each others nerves. but you'll get a lot out of it. a lot of artists and spiritual people and a lot of low lifes too . . . but it evens out. but yeah keep posting man. i'm glad you came.
"A 60 cycle hum lies beneath the chaos of humanity walking the streets And nature brings it all to it's knees"
Now thats a intro, the brings the reader in with alot of visuall imagery. "the chaos of humanity walking the streets", gives a swirl of visions of people ravaging through life. "Some amongst us don't grow others self conciously become old The healthy blossom and continue to shake the mold those more rigid stay glued to a local barstool and are dead inside even before the end of their youth" this may be the one of the most truiest statements ive read on this site. people zombie through life doing the everyday mundane, while openly after a couple drinks or privately to themselves remenise over past accaliads. "nothing to look back on nothing to look foward too perpetual adolescence brews a trancendentally aimless stew" this breaks the entire piece down and brings a great closure to a very interally open poem.
That. Was. Pretty. Awesome. Coming of age is a complicated matter. I liked your angle on it. The rhyme scheme was, to say the least, off of the proverbial "hook." Great one for a first post.
WOW is all I can really say! great write! I loved it...the flow was great your choice of words was near perfect...I got so many sweet images in my mind...I really really liked it...the idea(s) you portryed were great and the length didn't bother the reader or bore anyone. very nice write. thnx for the great read. Peace.
Submission Name: Transition
