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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Am I really in love?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: poet09
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 157/162/122
    Words: 204
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 960
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1162



    Description:
       I wrote this poem straight off the top of my head when I thought about what my girlfriend and I are going through just to see if what she is saying is really true?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAm I really in love?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Is it as strong as you
    think it is
    Am I falling for you way
    too quickly

    Is the love I have so
    strong that no one
    could break the bond
    I have for u

    Love has the power to
    come over any obsatcle
    Many have tried to find
    it but never succed all
    because they give up
    too fast

    Showing the feeling of
    how I feel for you
    no matter who's around to
    see it

    I am in love with you
    but I can't honestly say
    the same about you

    I say I love you but don't
    seem to show it
    Things I've heard people saying


    The love that I have for you
    is totally true
    Mistress why can't you be
    honest and tell me what is
    going on

    I am really in love with you
    but am I willing to be able to
    committ

    The question now is are you saying that you love me because you really do or is this a facade that you are putting on just because of the influence of your friends?




    Submitted on 2005-10-12 06:24:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think that wilderness had a good idea on that comment. There seems to be nothing here that would catch my attention. I read it, and it was just words on the screen, and nothing more. I think this has potiential to be good, but right now, it's not.
    | Posted on 2005-10-13 00:00:00 | by miss__smiles | [ Reply to This ]
      Like the other person has said. THERE'S NO LIFE IN IT!

    They are like 'bleah' You got this straight from your mind, that's all right, but have you ever thought about whether it'll work as a poem or thought? I believe its a no. I know its like bewilderment, wanting to know how she feels, you can take time touching on that part.

    That second paragraph I typed was something like what you did except in nicer paragraphing, but no, its ain't well. Get some rhyming, some more descriptions of the FEELINGS rather than just 'you told me' 'they told me' blah blah.

    I was kinda dissapointed, but oh well. Sorry if this angers you. Good effort anyways.
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by RyukiTZR | [ Reply to This ]
      What have you done here? You've just given us a commentary, or just asked blatent questions.

    There's no sense to it's format. The words seem to be placed the way they are for the sake of a poem. There is really nothing poetic about this: No colour, no metaphor, no alliteration... nothing that makes words fun.

    If you are going to write in this structure, try and give it some pace. Count syllables, rhyme something here and there... whatever you want; just anything to lend it some life.
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by wilderness | [ Reply to This ]


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