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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tale Of The End Of The Worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: the apocrypha
    Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 185/192/48
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 851
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 498



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTale Of The End Of The Worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Like some lonely desire
    Fading in the twilight of September
    Our minds will dissolve
    In a lightshow well worth to remember
    Universes will burst, planets will fall
    Insects will swell a hundred feet tall
    So that to prove some power to the creation
    God will let madness spread
    And God, laughing, will leave us for dead

    Et l’Homme, en perpétuel spectateur
    De prophéties obscures et de terreurs
    Partira pour les étoiles




    Submitted on 2005-10-12 07:35:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a lovely poem and the rhyme understated. However, I agree that it could be longer. Additionally, I am not convinced about the line

    In a lightshow well worth to remember

    I suggest that ‘In a lightshow to remember’ has a simplicity suited to the delicate nature of this poem. My favourist line is the insects swelling a hundred feet tall. That is a great image.
    love and peace
    nessie
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it should be longer. You should say that the devil will let madness spread, and the devil laughing, will leave us for dead. It would fit into the whole caotic scene. But, I just love these caotic poems, they fit my life style. lol. Great job anyway, 4 1/2 stars!
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it, but you could have extended it a bit and clarified a few things. Like, how God comes into play and his reasons for unleashing hell upon the earth. It is a good poem and I would really really really love to read an extended version. It's sort of like something from a horror/Sci fi movie. It's kind of ironic, with the state the world is in today. Back to the point... You did a great job.

    Raven_TheWolf
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by Raven_TheWolf | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem but it is much much to short for the subject matter. Why would "god" let the madness spread and why would he laugh about it? You just leave to much unsaid in this poem so much could be said! Why if god is so mighty why would he leave his children for dead? Please don't get mad but this is just a good poem but too short. it would be so much better if you were to expand upon this though and idea. Just make it longer and show us why god would do something like that to his people. I don't mean to sound mean but this is a really really good poem.
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by takenspiritwind | [ Reply to This ]


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