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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: This Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: takenspiritwind
    ASL Info:    21/F/NH
    Elite Ratio:    4.35 - 117/95/38
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 715
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 485



    Description:
       Please tear it apart it is so terrible one of my worst poems ever!!!!!! I hate this and I just thought of it here and now. Please just tell me what to do to try and make it better!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Powerful a love a union
    of two people in love.
    A day when the night gave
    birth to the sun,
    I looked around to find
    myself.
    I did not find myself but
    instead I found you.
    You waited for me and only
    me.
    My words were lost when that first
    "I Love You" spoken.
    My heart stolen when you offered
    your heart for mine.
    Burning passion grows within when I think
    of your touch.




    Submitted on 2005-10-12 07:58:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's okay. I agree with the person below me, you should use some bigger words and such. It also ends kind of abruptly, you should've closed it better. Other than that, it flows nicely and it's pretty good.
    | Posted on 2006-11-01 00:00:00 | by Two Meters Away | [ Reply to This ]
      This one can be sweeter if you use some uncommon noun or verb, since a romantic poetry usualy contain uncommonly used words
    A day when the night gave
    birth to the sun,
    I looked around to find
    myself. Burning passion grows within when I think
    of your touch.
    thats sweet keep it up n take care

    -garnet4david-

    Btw i like the way u use Burning passion on
    seems to be strange since its not related to the topic, is it possible that you already know the boy when you were born? Its just my oppinion.
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by garnet4david | [ Reply to This ]


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