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    dots Submission Name: Jelly Beansdots

    Author: Tissue
    ASL Info:    17/Male/New York
    Elite Ratio:    5.06 - 80/87/33
    Words: 337
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 748
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2048

       Wow, I forgot about this one. Old, too.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJelly Beansdots

    A farmer walked out, sowing his seed,
    Hoeing the land, pulling the weed,
    Preparing his land for bountiful season,
    Tickling the ground, continually teasing
    'Til fertility is reach for the plant,
    Buriable in the lucious land.
    This strange farmer reached in his jeans,
    And pulled out a pack of jelly beans.

    That weird old man brandished a smile
    And planted his beans, tile by tile
    In a system of a haphazard grid,
    Carefully leaving a full foot amid.
    After watering them, he turned away,
    Walked to his house and ended his day.
    And while upon the sandman he leans,
    That farmer dreams of his jelly beans.

    He woke up remembering his odd seedlings,
    And rushed out without clothes, forgetting such things.
    He saw quite quickly that they didn't sprout.
    He watered, he sang, but they didn't come out.
    Now was he saddened, disappointed of this
    For they didn't grow tall along with his wish.
    He saw that he had followed the means,
    But wondered quite deeply at jelly beans.

    Days passed by, all quite the same way,
    'Til seasons passed, and in came fresh May,
    That stalk grew tall, and bean had grown.
    Excited was he, and he grabbed the phone
    To tell all his friends, about his success,
    In getting the beans to grow from nothingness.
    "Everything ain't all as it seems,
    For I've just grown my jelly beans!"

    His fame slowly grew, 'til he was well-known
    For the sweet crop he'd successfully sown.
    And as the days passed the trees began to fruit,
    And reach in the soil to take firm root.
    When the fruit was good and strong and ripe,
    The farmer picked one, and took a bite.
    This strange farmer tightened his jeans,
    And said, smiling, "Tastes like jelly beans!"

    Submitted on 2005-10-12 10:25:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      That was a fun poem, and I enjoyed it because of the story behind it. That is what draws you in about the whole thing that there is a little story behind it. I agree with babysweet that that line does make you stumble but in my opinion doesn't detract from the poem. Nice
    | Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by hellyeah | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww that was adorable. Usually, rhyming poems annoy me because the word choice seems so forced, but I loved it here. Nice, consistent rhythm throughout and the story was cute, like Jack and Beanstalk minus the giant.

    While the majority of this was very well written, one set of rhyming lines really bothered me and I just thought I'd point it out to you.

    "He woke up remembering his odd seedlings,
    And rushed out without clothes, forgetting such things."

    Just give it a second look, that's all I'm asking. I have faith that you can come up with something better.

    Anyway, I really did enjoy the originality of this and the idea of jelly bean trees in general just made me really happy lol.

    Nice job, keep it up!

    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by Babysweet56 | [ Reply to This ]

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