[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Musical dreamsdots

    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    3.95 - 139/254/170
    Words: 350
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1172
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2329


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMusical dreamsdots

    Seconds die away in the familiar notes,
    Rock to and fro to the music you heard so many times,
    And let the image envelop you with suppressed agony.

    It's such a beautiful girl, full of everything,
    Maybe a couple of zits,
    But think about it - before you bite into your sandwich,
    How her dreams fell though the veil of her own

    You write about yourself in third person,
    How lurid, such a nice day with waves
    Splashing in the skies
    And the reflections of your cars gazing avidly
    Through the window.

    One memory, one seat, right to the driver,
    To cherish forever more -
    Before the chords fire the darkness -
    And start again -
    And then you're there,
    Listening to your heart, beating to the melody,
    And head completely lost

    How you want Him,
    But no one will see your lines,
    Even if you prepare them beforehand.

    It's just a dream, baby, sleep tight tonight,
    Your fate is written on your star strewn ceiling,
    Do you remember how you looked at it
    Through beseeching eyes? though no one answered your prayers.

    You conjured up an image,
    No bounds with the world,
    But so delightful, while the song's still on,

    Don't hurry, it's on the rep mode,
    Finger all of your thoughts carefully,
    And choose one, and maybe you'll guess right,

    But who knows, He knows, and you don't,
    Keep playing, the fabric won't break under the needle,
    Don't worry; they won't cut off your head
    Or turn you into a vase for blood ceremonies
    For betraying your one and only love,
    Knowingly, deliberately.

    Hot air may shrink your pretty pink shoes,
    But it's the least of punishments for contempt.
    You understand too much, and it's your cross,

    What rough a beast is slouching towards Bethlehem?

    You know the answer.

    Yet you may still have a chance for a happy life,
    You're just 17, for God's sake,
    After all, Shakespeare sonnets are not your Bible.

    Submitted on 2005-10-12 10:48:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i'm amazed, i'm very shocked and blown away as i read your poem, it is very beautiful, and in contrast probably one of the most cryptic pieces i have ever read. there are so many possibilities as to what it could mean, and potray, it very beautiful, it kept my mind very busy, it is very obvious that you are very much talented, i look forward to reading more of your work. in an odd, manipulated way, i guess i could kind of relate to it, it is all very fast paced, but i feel strong emotion for the message being conveyed.
    the only thing i don't understand is why there were & signs and # signs then odd numbers everywhere within it, is that something you placed in it to add to its obscurity? ... please explain. i would also love to know what this poem means to you and what motivated you to write it as you did., maybe give some insight towards an appropriate lens to view the piece through. very good poem, one of my favorites, i love the way you write, keep it up, i'd love to hear back from ya.
    take care
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by bosse22 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]