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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wings of Flightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ajyra
    ASL Info:    18/female
    Elite Ratio:    4.19 - 65/57/22
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Misc/Religious
    Total Views: 285
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 685



    Description:
       Just a psalm I had to write for World Lit....
    Critiques are, as always, greatly appreciated. :3


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWings of Flightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wings are my salvation.
    My given wings lift me into flight’s embrace,
    Up into the great blue sky.
    They bring me up into life.

    Wings are my salvation.
    Although I fear of plummeting into darkness,
    They soothe me, and keep me from distress.
    They would never let me fall.

    Wings are my salvation.
    They bring me above mine fears,
    For above the troubles of the world.
    My wings allow my mind freedom from evil.

    Wings are my salvation.
    The air beneath me soothes my wounds.
    Wings mend my chasmed heart
    And let me soar on broken wings.
    Wings are my salvation.




    Submitted on 2005-10-12 13:49:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Not too bad at all. It gets your message across simply, and is descriptive enough to give good imagery.

    My only crit would be the excessive use of "wings" At the start of each stanza is fine, but after that, it's unnecessary repetition. Either "they" or a simile or metaphor.

    The last line's fine, of course.

    I liked it, a nice psalm to your inner belief.

    Well done

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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