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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Passion Interruptusdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BenCollier
    Elite Ratio:    3.72 - 425/386/88
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 612
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 728



    Description:
       In an ongoing effort to expand my literary horizons, I offer an attempt of religous poetry. Or more specifically a religous themed poem. I am not preaching here nor offering judgements. This is about the crucifixtion.


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    dotsPassion Interruptusdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Perpetual clouds of gray
    No solace this day
    A bed of stone to lay
    As mourners led astray
    Barren, left this way
    The body to decay

    Of fear to succumb
    The march to become
    Praised, yet willfully numb
    To offer a crumb
    And beat mightily the drum
    Confusion reigns as scrum

    To fill with dread
    The pestilence to spread
    Witnesses an effigy doth bled
    Polished marble stained red
    A vision fills the head
    The Christ lays dead

    To raise the ire
    Sure as Dragonís fire
    The stench of putrid mire
    One strums a lyre
    All hails the crier
    All faiths perspire




    Submitted on 2005-10-12 16:17:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Could one only image the suffering of one with so much passion for those he loved? It is hard for even me to comprehend. Someone placing a crown of thorns that penetrated into ones skull, driving nails in ones hands and feet, the beating and suffering, poking at him tearing his skin.
    I couldn't have made that ultimate sacrifice myself, for I am to weak. But he did it for me! How can I not be a believer??
    A write well written!
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Who wrote this?! Is this the same Ben Collier who concieved of the eniffible verses of "Doggy style kind" and such?

    Well, let's see. I'm not to fond of glorifying or reliving the crucifixion or death, because the focus should be on the love shown through the sacrifice rather than the gory awful stuff. Mel Gibsons movie was too much. However, it's a very intersesting thing to write on, and you did make your point pretty clear, but you need to fix the rhythm, particluarly in the fisrt stanza. It falls a little bit short. I don't know if you shoud use the aaaaaa, bbbbbb, cccccc pattern in this one, it just gets tiresome. Anyway, I'm glad to see that you're starting to show some seriousness. Maybe you're starting to grow up a liitle bit.
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]
      this is what 'The Passion of The Christ' would be like if it was a poem. um, the second stanza's rhyme was a bit...i guess unsmooth, but not really bad. I don't know what a scrum is, (?) but overall good job.

    your friend
    T
    | Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by Avril54 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoy the room for interpretation in spirituality and "IS"ness. Jesus was trying to sincerely help the people caught up in the mundane rule and law bound to their own crosses by control and he was, even in his physical death, trying to show us all that the spirit of God is within us and it is not something that can be extinguished; even when it is martyred, murdered, silenced, stoned, controlled ~ "IT" still is.
    Politics and religion have perpetuated this story and your piece illustrates this very, very well.
    I liked the rhythmatic, heartbeat feel to "IT". Well done friend!
    Funny, I did one yesterday ~ Bliss Garden that is also spiritually focused. Good challenge!
    Happy days to you and your family!
    Love,Peace,Joy! tif
    | Posted on 2005-10-13 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      This is definately interesting...I really like the rhyming...and the imagery...definately the imagery...Even though I am not really religious this made me kind of sad...Like wow how horrible and lonely and miserable...God job!
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by beldolore | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Dave...interesting, nice to see you trying different themes (but the title? vintage Ben Collier!)

    An interesting rhyme scheme in your sestets, and didn't seem too forced, apart from a couple of flow hiccups, I reckon you kicked a goal, mate.

    Very good indeed. If I believed in Gog I'd pray for you...lol

    Seriously, well done

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you for your comment on Passion Interuptous. If you read some of my other stuff you will see I don't go in for the religous stuff either. But for some reason, this just came to me.
    thanks again

    your friend
    ben
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not so much into religious/serious poetry, but I think you hit the jack-pot on this one. It's very good. It seems to me that it focusses on the problems in society and about the crumbling of faith and stuff like that. Great job, and keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


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