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    dots Submission Name: Mirrorsdots

    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    3.95 - 139/254/170
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1146
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 644


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Something so idyllic to disturb your mind,
    something so spirited
    to fake a rainbow on the wall,
    to make you think that there are raindrops outside.

    A reflection of kaleidoscopes
    -turn and turn again-
    broken glass would shift
    -and your brain already
    picks out a pattern.

    A symbolic meaning
    they thought out for you,
    your very own Xerox,
    user- and environment-friendly.

    A mirror always commits suicide
    when you come round.
    After all you are so self-centred
    to even think who you-re looking at.

    Submitted on 2005-10-12 19:49:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Of course everyone knows mirrors can be used as conduits to other realities. Connecting to all of that strangeness does not bode well for a mirrors mental health nor its structural stability.
    What I am saying is it does not take that much to shatter more than a mirrors confidence. This is why some of us have mirror Avoidant Personality Disorder not only are mirrors prone to dieing
    when we stare into them they occasionally transport us to other
    realities where life is even harder to cope with.
    | Posted on 2012-08-18 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with tissue. there are little words that could be left out to shorten lines a little bit, the readers are smart enough to know what you are talking about with the other words you choose to you. a very powerful peice and really makes me think about things. to throw my 2 cents in would be to get a little more of a flow with your words, like a beat to them to help it along as the audience reads. welcome to elite, keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by angel_eyes9701 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Powerful in a very mysterious and aggressive way. The poem began a little slowly, with too many extra words bogging it down, but ended with strength, especially on the image of the mirror. Interesting personification there, about a mirror committing suicide. It's one of those things that you read, wonder about, and roll on your tongue a few times before really applying it to the piece. That's a good thing.

    The only major improvement I would make would be gutting a few inactive words, and trying to truncate that first stanza down a few notches. Read through it, and if it's feeling a bit too wordy, find shorter ways to say what you mean. That would enhance the effect to a whole new level.

    Good piece!
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by Tissue | [ Reply to This ]

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