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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Sadnessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: miss__smiles
    ASL Info:    16/f/Soo, Ont
    Elite Ratio:    3.28 - 117/110/20
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1051
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1011



    Description:
       Edited with new layout. It may be prose, but I consider this my free verse poetry!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Sadnessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A sadness:
    an over whelming
    feeling of
    not being
    good enough
    to be the one
    you came home to
    at night.
    Not being the one
    you told you loved.
    Not being the one
    you held above
    all others.
    A sadness:
    a whispering voice
    in my head,
    that tells me
    I can do nothing
    but love you.
    I can do nothing
    but care.
    But I can be nothing
    but concerned.
    A sadness:
    a smile
    you give
    to another,
    as I hope one day
    you will smile for me
    like that.
    One day
    you will know
    my feelings.
    One day,
    you will feel
    the same.
    An opening:
    a door the creaks
    just enough for me
    to see into the room.
    To see that you've been
    waiting all along.
    To see that
    we've always been
    together at heart.




    Submitted on 2005-10-12 22:25:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I know how that is. I always feel that way about life in general: I'm always unsure of myself, and I guess that's sad. I've felt this way about nearly every boyfriend I've ever had, and it sucks (Granted, several of them did cheat on me, so it wasn't unfounded). Good work, Amy
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Ur poem is very touching... It is so wonderful..The words flow together..I hope I see some more of your work! Ur a dork!mutter mutter butter butter
    | Posted on 2005-10-13 00:00:00 | by Dark_Angel | [ Reply to This ]
      I dont know if poetry can take this form but regardless it was good. It really showed yoour emotions and captured your passion. I dont think the format reallly compliment the piece though maybe as a prose but not as a poem. that may need a little revision but other than that good job.
    | Posted on 2005-10-13 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      There's a slight impact on me while reading this, which is very good as I'm rather think-skinned. (haha) This is well written but I guess some more arrangement of words or paragraphing will do the trick.

    Thanks for this. I really liked it.
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by RyukiTZR | [ Reply to This ]
      Finally! I believe this is the last one I have to catch up on and comment on. Haha. Hmmm I see this was also the way you wrote your last one I previously commented on. This one probably shouldn't have been written like this. Some parts were ok but overall it kind of seemed choppy. So yea I suggest just making longer lines or sentences whatever you would like to call them and it will be a lot better and will have a good flow. But good job otherwise! YAY I'M DONE!hehe!

    Brenna
    | Posted on 2005-10-15 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]


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    77464

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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