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Author: Car va g o
ASL Info:    35/M/NY
Elite Ratio:    7.84 - 180 /185 /45
Words: 229
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1243
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2427



Like a prize fighting dog
Too often used;
I am a blood stained mess
All about my edges

-Let me be-

As I am
Weary of hands
With pretense of love…

-Let me lie-

Soaking in my misery
Pooling in the redness
Of my anger.


Like a cable
Too thin for the jolt
Of life


I can carry no load
For you

-Let me sleep-

That sleep is sweet;
A life distinctly other
Waits for me.
Nothing here compares,
Not even your palm’s destiny!


Here is a paradise
Of my own making
Where every hand earns trust
And every glance meets mine.


To walk backwards
In buried steps,
Before the flash of light
Curled as in a cocoon,
Waiting for the promise
Of something else...

Submitted on 2005-10-13 14:13:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This is a very nicely written poem. I love the form of this one, it really adds to the appearance and the overall effect of the poem. This is a very sad poem, I get the feeling of being lost and not knowing where to look for the answers. It seems to be very negative in thoughts and feelings with great despair felt with your words. But then at the end there seems to be a small glimpse of hope in your last two lines, which I like very much. I like depressing poems more when they are not totally without hope and the ending of this holds out for promise in the future. A very nice ending. Good poem. Take care.

| Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Perhaps its the music I'm listening to....
(Doe Eyes, from Bridges of Madison County)

or my cat curled up staring at me as I sit alone at my computer again...

or words that were left with me from last night...

or maybe its all of these things and none of these things.....

but this poem has a certain quality about it -

the -

let me be

let me lie



Let me sleep



how many times have I thought these things?
how many times have I not been listened to.

ah, now its playing "I'll Close My Eyes" - someday they'll let me be, and let me sleep ....

and I can "walk backwards
In buried steps,
Before the flash of light
Curled as in a cocoon,
Waiting for the promise
Of something else..."

till then it will be the 'illusion' of your words, and this music....

thank you.
| Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by glasshill | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh, thank goodness, Marco! Something that isn't so obscure it's buried in shadow!

I liked this. I agree, first, with your previous commenter, about the form. Very nice. The visual appeal is the very first thing you notice. Then, the single word on a line lends added emphasis to that word, also a plus.


Like a cable

Too thin for the jolt

Of life

This is my favorite part of the poem. Life is sometimes rather jolting, isn't it?

Nice job, Marco. I enjoyed this a lot. I know we're not supposed to just compliment, but really, that's all I feel like doing with this one. I really enjoyed it. mae
| Posted on 2005-10-19 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, I wouldn't change a thing about this.

What I will go on about is what I like - the visual aesthetics that you have employed here to bring more force to your words - the singular lines between stanzas were effective in the transitions of thought/emotion.

The voice when read out silently has rhythm and fluid motion. You go from frayed/burnt to illusion/innocence - throughout this write the voice changes from pessimism and misery to a more optimistic, yearning feel... yet innocence can never be reclaimed... but it can be sought after.

That is what I get from your write here.

| Posted on 2005-10-15 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]

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