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    dots Submission Name: Recipe for Bad Poetrydots

    Author: Tissue
    ASL Info:    17/Male/New York
    Elite Ratio:    5.06 - 80/87/33
    Words: 216
    Class/Type: Prose/Comedy
    Total Views: 1363
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1327

       Written while thinking back over all the horrific poems I've ever read. I'll keep the names anonymous, of course. This was actually written before I came on ES, so no worries.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRecipe for Bad Poetrydots

    1. Add as many as you want from the following clichés: Depression, Lost Love, Pain, Suicide, Angels, Demons, Death, Failure, Hate

    2. Stir in a little emotion. In fact, dump in as much as you want. Just make sure there is no sense or reason behind it.

    3. Pluck out as much rhyme and grammar as is possible. That stuff only gets in the way, after all.

    4. Furget speling, itz for loozers anywey.

    5. Ditch every commonly held poetry rule in favor of independence.

    6. Use words like "thou, "hast", and "reverie" with the sole intention of making the whole thing look cooler.

    7. Throw it all into a blender, along with some random phrases that no one understands (including you). Grind it into an unrecognizable pulp.

    8. Take it out, splatter on a few indecipherable metaphors at random, and proofread for two seconds.

    9. Serve to only your closest friends and unknown strangers. If they've seen the exact same thing before, pat yourself on the back. That's a sure sign you succeeded!

    Congratulations! Just follow the recipe for the exact same result time after time! Give it a different title, share it with the rest of ES, and be proud of your growing Gallery!

    Submitted on 2005-10-13 20:07:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think this was mean hearted and terrible. I am right now going to cry and write a poem about how this made me feel, how you made me feel, and how the world hates me. cry.

    Your deconstruction of the average online-poet is correct, I agree with many points but really I think the lack of grammar, correct spelling, literacy, importance is very small into the amount of good it does for soemone to write a poem, more as an emotional vent rather then to share it with un-gratuitious people.

    Though I also agree that people should only show their best work, not a pile of crap they picked off the floor with a stick. This rule does not apply to me or my stories, because I am god.

    But yeah, nice perspective on things.
    | Posted on 2005-10-18 00:00:00 | by Aferisan | [ Reply to This ]
      hehe...this is true of alot of poetry i've read...the only part i have to say i don't agree is the part about rhyme...poetry doesn't have to rhyme...it needs to carry a rhythmn ...but not nessacarily an actual rhyme...but besides that i found this to be funny because...its sarcastically true...though i'm hoping your not one of those structure nuts because the only reason rules for poetry exist is because some on decided to write them...but grammer and spelling are a very important factor...if your going to put an effort into writing make sure you check your spelling and grammer...wow i'm rambling like a moron...if only that was my job i'd be rich...anywho...thanks for the laugh ...purps
    | Posted on 2005-10-14 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      The whole time I was sweating, looking to see if you included any of the ingrediants I use. Nope, I'm great.
    I agree totally, it was the epitome of every awful poem I've ever read. I won't drop names, but I know some 'poets' who wgould be interested in this recipe. It would really improve their work.x
    | Posted on 2005-10-13 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]
      Ha ha! You forgot about "drop all capitization coz all the other cool kids are doing it."

    You forgot "get the sh*ts when a more experienced writer doesn't tell you how wonderful your post is, and actually gives you some advice about how to improve it."

    Very good, I appreciate the sentiment behind it, and it was nicely cynical...pity they're too rapt in their own worth to comment (if they bother to read it)

    Well done

    Be Happy

    | Posted on 2005-10-13 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      not that i don't agree with some of the things you'd mention, but just what the fu.ck are poetry rules?

    oh hey look. i didn't use capitals. sorry.
    | Posted on 2005-10-13 00:00:00 | by denial | [ Reply to This ]

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