Description: this is a neat little poem that might freak you guys out, but i still think its cool, kinda happy with this one, hope you guys as well.
Swimming with Goldfish -------------------------------------------
he stares into the pond
one goldfish
two float dead
one pansy on the side
by the field, way outside
two pansies float dead
petals break
drift away
he dives in
water's cool
What for?
just for fun
swim daily
watch the fading sun
backstrokes and doggy paddles to shore
What for?
he's tired
growing dark
the demons are out tonight
he says
three's an odd number
everything's dying he tells her
he shakes himself off
pulls up his drawers
she shakes off
fastens her bra
What for?
they need to go home
it's dark
don't you remember
the demons come out tonight
she goes into her bag
pulls out a flask
takes a long swig
pulls out another object
a 9mm
puts it through his head
and she says under giggles
"Honey, Demons come out when they like.
You were so weak. How could I resist?"
uhhm. yeahhh...remember that time you came over and we sat here watching each others poetry cause we're dorks like that? yeah, well...i like this one. a lot. one of my faves so far that i've read of yours, and well...like i told you. the imagery in this one is off the hook! haha. lataaa. <3
I got the chills, great read. I love the ending a sinful little twist! I love the line "Honey, Demons come out when they like." creepy like something out of a Stephen King novel.
definitely weird, and a nice half foreshadowing at the beginning with the dead goldfish. i didn't like how she said "you were so weak" because it didn't make sense to me, but perhaps i missed something? =]
It reminds me of a Twilight Zone episode where the plot twists at the very last second. You used some interesting visual cues with a haunting little reminder about the demons.
Woh, kinda creepy at the end, this is pretty cool, the words flow quite nicely, its an interesting subject to ride on, three is an odd number, perhaps she odd is what she desires. Nice work!
Interesting piece, just remove the apostrophe in pansy's, change it to pansies. And I am not too sure about the last two lines, is the girl saying both lines? It doesn't really make sense. If possible, you should clarify who is the voice behind those two lines.
Submission Name: Swimming with Goldfish
