It Was Never by Astarael

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Submission Name: It Was Never dots

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Author:	Astarael
ASL Info:	18/Girl/Baltimore
Elite Ratio:	5.28 - 81/88/32
Words:	80

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	301
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	517

Description:
It's sad how memories die away over time until eventually it seems like the event never happened at all and you're just hanging onto this cloud-whisp of a recollection.

It Was Never dots

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You saw it in a dream
But dreams don't last.
Can't say it was there
Because now it has passed.

I saw you once;
You held me close
In vapor arms
Of the palest ghost.

We sat in trees
Like idle flowers,
Time flowing like water
For precious hours.

Now I can't say if I was ever there.
Days pass to nights in a blur,
And all I can do is sit and stare.
Perception becomes unclear.

Submitted on 2005-10-15 18:28:42 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
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||| Comments |||
overall, i liked this (as usual, i love your writing dani). i too especially like thed lines

We sat in trees
Like idle flowers,
Time flowing like water
For precious hours.

I feel like that perfectly encapsulates how i feel about the time i spend with the people I love. That may sound random, but I've been thinking about that lately. And oddly enough, I'm also terrified of losing those memories, that one day they'll "pass to nights in a blur."

The only lines I didn't particularly like were the last two. It almost seemed as though you couldn't think of a good ending, so you rushed to write something. That may be totally off course, but they seem a bit off from the rest of the poem.
| Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by Kalidoscopeeyes | [ Reply to This ]
There were a couple of lines that I really loved:

We sat in trees
Like idle flowers,
Time flowing like water

just that little bit was so smooth and peaceful. You felt like everything is going as it should and everything will be alright then there comes this line:

Days pass to nights in a blur,

kind of like the dream is slowly fading away and all you can really remember is that there was a dream and that it might or might not have happened

personally I liked this poem; there were a couple of lines here and there that could do with some editing

for example:
'and I can sit and stare'... do you mean

'and all I can do is sit and stare'
(though the beat would be a bit off)

just little things, maybe read over it in a day or two

otherwise I liked this poem; it was very flowy and soft and smooth, like a dream

keep that pen to that paper
-mystmaker
| Posted on 2005-10-15 00:00:00 | by MystMaker | [ Reply to This ]

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