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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sushi wok
    ASL Info:    19/f/australia
    Elite Ratio:    4.12 - 64/67/13
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 702
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 598



    Description:
       i just heard from someone that this guy i had a crush on thought i was horrible person. i was really hurt. but in the end it was just a rumour. tell me what you think of my poem please if you can be bothered.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    WHY

    Have I done something to offend you so?
    If so, I AM SORRY.
    But this is not right.
    What I hear is not right.

    People are saying things.
    Things that you said.
    I want to know if they are true.
    Want to know from you.
    And you alone.


    The hurt is so great,
    That my heat is numb.
    There are no more tears to cry.
    Already cried out long ago.

    You told me,
    You didnít want to hurt me no more.
    I believe you,
    No more...






    Submitted on 2005-10-16 02:00:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, I felt a lot of emoton in this piece... Maybe not the best echnical example of poetry ever, but you captured emotion and conveyed that emotion to your readers and that is what poetry is all about... Well done... I agree with the below comment that it sounds as if someone stomped on your heart... Your poetry is just so broken spirited and it coveys a sense of emotional devastation... Reading your description, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but based on this piece, it seems like it hurt you a lot... Well, keep it up, poetry is all about the poet and I think you get it...
    | Posted on 2005-11-10 00:00:00 | by Meckes | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this brought back alot of memories of my childhood. Being teased and bullied when I was a kid did nothing for my confidence levels but you can get past this and you will see that there is someone out there for you just as I did.

    Lynda
    | Posted on 2005-10-29 00:00:00 | by babytinkerbelle | [ Reply to This ]
      wow i for one loved this poem. brought me back to some problems im facing and i find myself saying... damn this sounds familiar. i too have thought these thoughts in my own head. i love how you wrote them down and in such a good catching way so that i didnt want to stop reading. i think my favorite part was the last stanza...


    You told me,
    You didnít want to hurt me no more.
    I believe you,
    No more...

    especially the repetition of no more... that pretty much summed up the emotion great piece i'll be reading more
    | Posted on 2005-10-26 00:00:00 | by withouthope | [ Reply to This ]
      First let me say this is a nice poem. I agree with Frank Maguire, focus on facts not rumors. People tend to lie just to hurt others...
    If so, I AM SORRY.
    When you write tend not to write words in capital letters. Even if you are trying to shout the words... You might just want to add a ! at the end...
    Anyways you don't have to listen to me. Overall I do like thhis poem
    Keep up!
    | Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]
      Pain and hurt can be compounded by tittle tattle, or nasty rumours. Rise above this sort of thing if you can and focus on what is fact and what you know for sure.
    | Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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