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House Where Sybil Once Lived


Author: Lulu La Feyne
ASL Info:    18/female/Australia
Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 72 /101 /31
Words: 195
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1197
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1258



Description:


Poor old Sybil. Can a house really miss it's owner? A spooky thought, but maybe...


House Where Sybil Once Lived



Down that old forgotten path,
Where the eerie wind seems to laugh
At footsteps that will never travel
Upon that cold and lifeless gravel
To the house where Sybil once lived

Bushes of overgrown nettles
And an old rose losing its petals
Grow neglected, but free
Up the side of a falling down tree
Outside the house where Sybil once lived

Quiet paintings hang on the wall,
Up and down the entrance hall
Mysteriously they cast,
A spell on the forgotten past
Of the house where Sybil once lived

In the parlour, no wind blows
For the windows are always closed
The kitchen has no food to prepare
But the smell of pie still hangs in the air
All through the house where Sybil once lived

An old piano gathers dust
Everyday from dawn to dusk
Sorrowfully it prays and longs
For another happy song
To fill the house where Sybil once lived

There was no one to bid her goodbye
No one left to lamentably cry
Only the house would forever grieve
From the day Sybil’s life took leave
From the house where she had once lived




Submitted on 2005-10-16 04:02:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Very good! this reminds me of a piece that i wrote a while ago. delightfully haunting and a bit creepy. i also agree with everyone that the rhyming is perfect. the freeverse plan is good for some types of poetry but you just can't beat comforting rhyme! i think that a house can miss people. my family recently bought and renovated an old house and it just _feels_ happy inside now whereas it used to feel almost murderous :p that change might have something to do with us cleaning the miles of cobwebs out but hey!
Anyway, i digress. the only nitpicky suggestion i have (which isnt really a suggestion, sorry) is that the last couplet in the last stanza just seems to chop up the flow a bit. umm i can't think of any way to fix it so maybe that makes my comment worthless. if i think of something, i'll be sure to let you know. otherwise i really enjoyed this!
Keep it up
SASHA LYNN
| Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by Sasha Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
  This is just absolutely a delightful poem, though it is sad at the same time, it is an enjoyable read1 In fact I liked it so much I am adding it to my favorites list for easy reference. I think you did a wonderful job composing this poem and should be proud! I see now that I am gonna have to keep an eye on your poetry because you seem to be a very talented writer.
I truely enjoyed reading this poem,
!doc'
| Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
  Excellent work, your words set the atmosphere well for this nostalgic, dusty look at a neglected house.

I'm a big fan of this type of ehyme scheme, I write a lot of Rhupint form, which is a little bit similar.

Very well done, I enjoyed this immensely, great word pictures!

be Happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  i agree
the rhyme scheme is perfect
you expressed a lot of pain in this write

it shows a deep love for your friend

know shes still in your heart

the line about the piano longing for someone else to play her

Perfect


a great write

please if you have the time read some of my poetry and let me know what you think


Take Care
Ron
| Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  wow, the rhyme scheme in this is great. some of the images sort of reminded me of a poem called anyone lived in a pretty how town. you should google that one, it's good. but back to your poem. while this line may not have the most meaning in the poem, it's my favorite just because of the way it sounds

Up the side of a falling down tree

so great. well, i don't really think that houses can miss their owners, but you can definitely tell a house with an owner from one without an owner, through neglect and the things which you mentioned. i liked it though, sorry to ramble so much
| Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by thezeroman88 | [ Reply to This ]


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