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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Wanted Your Mouthdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 26
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 763
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 189



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Wanted Your Mouthdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your lips
    finish my sentence
    with silence.
    The thought
    left my mind
    fleetingly as a flea.
    I wanted your mouth
    to give back my words.




    Submitted on 2005-10-16 06:20:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i must say that i really did enjoy this poem. i can certainly relate. this has been my experiance with my lover. it is the height of intimacy, when one can finish anothers sentence with the anticipation of ones wordss. truly you did a great job on this. it spoke to me.
    ~john-paul

    | Posted on 2006-06-05 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know how you do it. You take such a tiny moment and capsulize it bigger than life! I am amazed at your talent. I can see this moment vividly and I have been there before.
    | Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by kblyric | [ Reply to This ]
      oh...i like this...man i haven't read your writing in awhile...i missed it...always gives me a new perspective on things a new twist on thought...and as usual i see in your journal you not thinking your writing is that great you make me laugh cuddles...you should think more of the talent that was given to you...purps
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem makes you think. I have spent the last several moments remembering doing this and having it done to me. It just depends on who you are with if it is cute or not. Most of the time... NOT. I try to be careful because my favorite past time is talking and when people take a long time to spit something out... I have that really bad habit of helping them along... Bad Me!

    With such few words you make me ponder so long... Great Job!

    Monica
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by mon28 | [ Reply to This ]
      well great idea and i wish y muse were with me but she is too far.. i just want her to ..
    "finish my sentence
    with silence
    the thought
    left my mind
    fleetingly as a flea
    I wanted your mouth
    to give back my words"

    hey nice write and thanks for sharting .
    peace and love
    and ytake care!
    Victor!
    | Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this, I love the way you put it all so simply. It reminds of when you say something to someone, then regret saying it after you have said it. ie: telling someone you hate them when you know it's not true.

    Great Write
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by babytinkerbelle | [ Reply to This ]
      very interesting. I like way you describe "taking the words out of you mouth." This was definately an original piece.
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by miss__smiles | [ Reply to This ]
      What gets me about this is how your focus narrows down to the mouth of the perpetrator, so very cool. Hey, I'm the only one who noticed this too, as I look at the other comments. I hate it when people finish my sentences, a woman i work with does this and I am continually clarifying my statements.

    would duct tape work?
    maybe I'll just stop talking, thank God we have the silence here at elite to think about how we say things..
    Cool perspective, but that is your strong point among others, so unique you are, Amy.
    Love and hugs, to the bugs too,
    nan
    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      I've read other peoples thoughts on this, so here's mine. It's like your exasperated that this person who always finishes your sentences. Like you dont even need to be there at all. And when they do that, you lose your train of thought. Like they have no interest in what you have to say. Anyhow, that's how I see it.
    Carol
    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I was just here thinking about this about ten minutes ago, about how the lack of spoken words can say so much. Thats just what I get out of the first two lines. And then how that silence can make a person start thinking about something else from the silence and they generally think about how they can say something that will erase the thought of the words that were spoken and uncommented on...words that they wish they could take back because they didnt generate the response the speaker was hoping for. Does that make sense? Thats just what I get from this and the shortness of it related to me those brief short moments of that train of thought. Anyway, I am rambling. Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-10-19 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      i've had to read this a few times and come
    back ... i'm getting the feeling here that he takes your words, silences you in some way,
    here with a kiss.. perhaps it's his way of
    controlling you, i think.. maybe.. i could be
    totally off base here.. that's just how i
    read it. you want him to let you be yourself,
    to give you back your words, your thoughts..
    very provocative, Amy.. a thinker, for sure!

    much love,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2005-10-17 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I almost dreaded openin gthis one up thinking that it was going to be some gooey romantic poem about saliva - thanks for off setting my reinforced ideas :)

    Seems like you are catching the brainless moments between moments - seems a bit too snippetish for me to manifest ecstatic symptoms and roll all over the floor though. Maybe you could work it into some bigger theme. Or maybe you could be jsut as stalemated by writer's block as the rest of us and are struggling to slap things together.

    Anyway, everythihng is there - clever use of words, capturing the moment, etc - just seems to lack extra details (say, a context, a memory, an anything actually) to give it a bit of length and nourishment to the famished hordes of readers.

    :)
    | Posted on 2005-10-17 00:00:00 | by kanu | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a nice write. I finsh my wife's sentences (and she mine), so to me this was more personal experience than most. The regretful tone is nicely done too. We say something we regret and can't take it back, no matter how badly we want to. Good work.

    Congrats on the publication too. Tried to access the site but my browser shut down on me. I got one published too, BTW.

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2005-10-17 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      what a great job.

    Them words that we speak and the feeling that goes into them are magical....(sappyness alert)

    Glad to see you posting again Amy and I hope you are well.

    ~shawn
    | Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this one! :) Good to see you posting again. ;) hehe I love the idea of someone just being silent when you are trying to have an important conversation. Don't you? That's sort of what this reminded me off. Especially because you said "I wanted your mouth to give back my words". I think that's saying that through all you two have been through he would rather be silent and leave. And you want all the things and feelings and words you gave him. :) Great job! So many different elements I can go into with this. hehe Take care hun! *Hugs*

    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Very subtle in its simplicity. This is a wonderfully soft snapshot of a moment we all know.

    fleetingly as a flea

    Is a great line. Small, unseen, and yet we feel its presence.

    Very nice!
    Good job!
    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      This was an interesting one and I have to say I liked it. Although I was kind of disappointed on how short it was but I guess it really doesn't need to be any longer but at the same time it seems to have ended too soon and you could have written more. But it's your write so this is what you liked. I'm also guess this is about saying "I love you" but I'm still not sure. But anyways nicely done. .

    Brenna
    | Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      well, i could be jumping off a cliff here, but i think this is about "i love you", or some other phrase that someone needs to be mutual. correct me if i'm wrong. if i'm right, cool way to say it, if i'm wrong, post me and let me know what it's really about.
    | Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by thezeroman88 | [ Reply to This ]
      I still don't understand how six or so people can look at a poem and not have a single thing to say, especially when the poem is as enticing as this one. I think you say so much here that many words are not needed. It's like the written form of a longing look. excellent, indeed!
    | Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      i am agree with kblyric. You are great, using only several words but give us the meaning of your poetry.
    Sometimes when you say something that harsh them, even if thats not true at all, its all in your poetry. I like this one too.
    Nice work, keep it up.

    Take care!

    -garnet4david-
    | Posted on 2006-06-04 00:00:00 | by garnet4david | [ Reply to This ]


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