Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Astral collectiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: stormyskye
    ASL Info:    25/ f/new mexico
    Elite Ratio:    5.46 - 209/170/30
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1077
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1077



    Description:
       thanks to greame for all your support and feedback it was greatly appreciated.... the fact that you took the time to help me with this piece says a lot about the kind of poet that you are... always willing to help build and develop less seasoned writers. again thank you for taking the time to care!

    Yet another dreamscape. I seem to have an endless supply these days! I meet my lover each night within my dreams lately I have dreamt only about a current lover in my life... so this is for Tommy


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAstral collectiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Catch my dreams in flight,
    amidst these starlight trails.
    Escape within my passion;
    Come to where our love prevails.

    Stars are simply stepping stones,
    come follow moonbeams glow.
    Unite within my dreamscape...
    All love's pleasure's to bestow.

    Collide within the moonlight,
    loves visions will explode.
    Naked as white stars dance;
    passion's thoughts unfold.

    Slow, astral seduction
    shadows fall into place;
    Kisses on quivering skin,
    love lights up my face.

    Shooting stars are full of awe,
    envying our bliss.
    Climax reached, we're heaven bound...
    Passion hangs upon our kiss.

    Moonbeam fading... stars no longer,
    dawn lights up our dream.
    My love... hold me tightly close,
    as morning strikes its beam.

    Wait for me within your dreams,
    as sun fades from the sky.
    Dream again of love divine,
    'midst astral collections lie...




    Submitted on 2005-10-16 14:41:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is a very beautiful piece. love with the heavens above. great write, i dont think that there is any room for improvement with this piece. i did notice you used the word passion in every other verse except the last. was this planned? it makes the passion of the piece more prominent since it is repeated so often.~~tracy
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by tmullins | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very lovely poem. I really like how you have spoken of the celestials throughout this piece and tied them into your passions and desire for someone and combined it all into your dreams. Very nice! The rhyme and flow are very well done. The images you paint with your words are lovely indeed. How romantic this poem is and the ending is great! The final stanza just ends this poem perfectly! This is really well done! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-10-29 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful, and I think I'm too light here with the compliment. I think its wow, wow, amazing. How you can achieve such surrealness and weaved it all together in the starry sky is beyond ... I really like it, no adore it.

    Slow, astral seduction
    shadows fall into place
    kisses on quivering skin
    love lights up my face

    Ah, yes
    You're such a good writer.

    I don't know who said this but here goes:
    When you read somebody's notebook its like you become someone new. Sometimes you read nursery rhymes but then sometimes (like this) you go: God, I wish I wrote like that.

    lauraaa
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by She Is Insane | [ Reply to This ]
      ooh very surreal and dream like. this is well written and has a somber feel. i like it alot. reading it again and looking at the imagery in my head makes me want to go to bed and dream. heheh.

    Stars are simply stepping stones
    come follow moonbeams glow
    unite within my dreamscape...
    all love's pleasure's to bestow

    very beautiful lines. very well done. take care and thanks for the read
    | Posted on 2005-10-18 00:00:00 | by snacky fish | [ Reply to This ]
      this made me think of my lover, who is
    about 2,000 miles away.. we exist together
    in the night sky sometimes, astral traveling
    to be in each other's arms..

    this poem is a beautiful
    collection of the starry night, love's passion
    and the glory of the dawn to awake you
    and your love...

    very nice and soothing.

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2005-10-17 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      OVERALL A WONDERFUL MELODIC PIECE. FLOW IS TERRIFIC AND THE PACING NICELY REFLECTS YOUR THEME. ONLY A FEW MINOR CORRECTIONS FOR GRAMMAR. NICE WRITE! :-)

    Catch my dreams in flight
    amidst these starlight trails
    escape within my passion...
    come to where our love prevails

    Stars are simply stepping stones
    come follow moonbeams glow
    unite within my dreamscape...
    all love[‘]s pleasures to bestow – S/B POSSESSIVE

    Collide within the moonlight
    love's visions will explode
    naked as white stars dance
    passion[‘]s thoughts unfold – S/B POSSESSIVE

    Slow seduction, astrally – I’D REPHRASE THIS TO ‘SLOW, ASTRAL SEDUCTION’
    shadows fall into place
    kisses on quivering skin
    love lights up my face

    Shooting stars are full of awe
    envying our bliss
    climax reached, we're heaven bound
    passion hangs upon our kiss

    Moonbeam fading... stars no longer
    dawn lights up our dream
    my love... hold me tightly close
    as morning strikes [its] beam –‘ITS’

    Wait for me within your dreams
    as sun fades from the sky
    dream again of love divine
    [‘]midst astral collection[S] lie – S/B ‘ BEFORE ‘MIDST’
    | Posted on 2005-10-17 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      hey, this was really great. i loved your rhyme scheme. it was so gentle and soft that i didnt even notice it until about the 3rd stanza. i honestly had no clue it even rhymed. not forced, easy, light flow. you know, this reminded me a little of "Afternoon Delight" haha. "Skyrockets in flight"...but, really, the imagery was good, too. overall this was a good poem. keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by brokenroses | [ Reply to This ]
      awww 'twas nothing, I love helping people that don't mind getting advice.

    This is now a definite EXCELLENT poem, with beautiful thoughts and imagery...

    The power of love...and a new fave.

    Thanks for bothering with it, and listening

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, just absolutely wow. This is so going on my faves list.

    "Moonbeam fading... stars no longer
    dawn lights up our dream
    my love... hold me tightly close
    as morning strikes it's beam"

    This is my favorite stanza.
    The night and all it's wonders, leave with the sign of light, as well as the lovers tangle.

    Very well writen.

    Rain
    | Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    77813

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Live In Between written by teika5
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    untitled written by Outlaw
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry