Astral collection by stormyskye

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Submission Name: Astral collection dots

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Author:	stormyskye
ASL Info:	25/ f/new mexico
Elite Ratio:	5.46 - 209/170/30
Words:	136

Class/Type:	Poetry/Passion
Total Views:	1386
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1077

Description:
thanks to greame for all your support and feedback it was greatly appreciated.... the fact that you took the time to help me with this piece says a lot about the kind of poet that you are... always willing to help build and develop less seasoned writers. again thank you for taking the time to care!

Yet another dreamscape. I seem to have an endless supply these days! I meet my lover each night within my dreams lately I have dreamt only about a current lover in my life... so this is for Tommy

Astral collection dots

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Catch my dreams in flight,
amidst these starlight trails.
Escape within my passion;
Come to where our love prevails.

Stars are simply stepping stones,
come follow moonbeams glow.
Unite within my dreamscape...
All love's pleasure's to bestow.

Collide within the moonlight,
loves visions will explode.
Naked as white stars dance;
passion's thoughts unfold.

Slow, astral seduction
shadows fall into place;
Kisses on quivering skin,
love lights up my face.

Shooting stars are full of awe,
envying our bliss.
Climax reached, we're heaven bound...
Passion hangs upon our kiss.

Moonbeam fading... stars no longer,
dawn lights up our dream.
My love... hold me tightly close,
as morning strikes its beam.

Wait for me within your dreams,
as sun fades from the sky.
Dream again of love divine,
'midst astral collections lie...

Submitted on 2005-10-16 14:41:07 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  this is a very beautiful piece. love with the heavens above. great write, i dont think that there is any room for improvement with this piece. i did notice you used the word passion in every other verse except the last. was this planned? it makes the passion of the piece more prominent since it is repeated so often.~~tracy
| Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by tmullins | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very lovely poem. I really like how you have spoken of the celestials throughout this piece and tied them into your passions and desire for someone and combined it all into your dreams. Very nice! The rhyme and flow are very well done. The images you paint with your words are lovely indeed. How romantic this poem is and the ending is great! The final stanza just ends this poem perfectly! This is really well done! Take care!

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-10-29 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Beautiful, and I think I'm too light here with the compliment. I think its wow, wow, amazing. How you can achieve such surrealness and weaved it all together in the starry sky is beyond ... I really like it, no adore it.

Slow, astral seduction
shadows fall into place
kisses on quivering skin
love lights up my face

Ah, yes
You're such a good writer.

I don't know who said this but here goes:
When you read somebody's notebook its like you become someone new. Sometimes you read nursery rhymes but then sometimes (like this) you go: God, I wish I wrote like that.

lauraaa
| Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by She Is Insane | [ Reply to This ]
  ooh very surreal and dream like. this is well written and has a somber feel. i like it alot. reading it again and looking at the imagery in my head makes me want to go to bed and dream. heheh.

Stars are simply stepping stones
come follow moonbeams glow
unite within my dreamscape...
all love's pleasure's to bestow

very beautiful lines. very well done. take care and thanks for the read
| Posted on 2005-10-18 00:00:00 | by snacky fish | [ Reply to This ]
  this made me think of my lover, who is
about 2,000 miles away.. we exist together
in the night sky sometimes, astral traveling
to be in each other's arms..

this poem is a beautiful
collection of the starry night, love's passion
and the glory of the dawn to awake you
and your love...

very nice and soothing.

peace,
~Cat
| Posted on 2005-10-17 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  OVERALL A WONDERFUL MELODIC PIECE. FLOW IS TERRIFIC AND THE PACING NICELY REFLECTS YOUR THEME. ONLY A FEW MINOR CORRECTIONS FOR GRAMMAR. NICE WRITE! :-)

Catch my dreams in flight
amidst these starlight trails
escape within my passion...
come to where our love prevails

Stars are simply stepping stones
come follow moonbeams glow
unite within my dreamscape...
all love[‘]s pleasures to bestow – S/B POSSESSIVE

Collide within the moonlight
love's visions will explode
naked as white stars dance
passion[‘]s thoughts unfold – S/B POSSESSIVE

Slow seduction, astrally – I’D REPHRASE THIS TO ‘SLOW, ASTRAL SEDUCTION’
shadows fall into place
kisses on quivering skin
love lights up my face

Shooting stars are full of awe
envying our bliss
climax reached, we're heaven bound
passion hangs upon our kiss

Moonbeam fading... stars no longer
dawn lights up our dream
my love... hold me tightly close
as morning strikes [its] beam –‘ITS’

Wait for me within your dreams
as sun fades from the sky
dream again of love divine
[‘]midst astral collection[S] lie – S/B ‘ BEFORE ‘MIDST’
| Posted on 2005-10-17 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
  hey, this was really great. i loved your rhyme scheme. it was so gentle and soft that i didnt even notice it until about the 3rd stanza. i honestly had no clue it even rhymed. not forced, easy, light flow. you know, this reminded me a little of "Afternoon Delight" haha. "Skyrockets in flight"...but, really, the imagery was good, too. overall this was a good poem. keep it up.
| Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by brokenroses | [ Reply to This ]
  awww 'twas nothing, I love helping people that don't mind getting advice.

This is now a definite EXCELLENT poem, with beautiful thoughts and imagery...

The power of love...and a new fave.

Thanks for bothering with it, and listening

Be Happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, just absolutely wow. This is so going on my faves list.

"Moonbeam fading... stars no longer
dawn lights up our dream
my love... hold me tightly close
as morning strikes it's beam"

This is my favorite stanza.
The night and all it's wonders, leave with the sign of light, as well as the lovers tangle.

Very well writen.

Rain
| Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

77813

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.