Little Man by ebflannery

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Submission Name: Little Man dots

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Author:	ebflannery
ASL Info:	24/
Elite Ratio:	4.6 - 184/184/48
Words:	119

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	246
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	770

Description:

Little Man dots

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Little man, my son
New to this world of fools,
Hold tight to that which drives you.
Be true to yourself, your dreams.

Nothing can guide you better
Than your own heart can-
So never be afraid of where it leads.

You will be heartbroken,
You will shed tears.
You will know laughter as well.

Nothing is certain,
So embrace the unknown;
Be brave, and give your all.

As long as you are willing
To take a chance,
You will never fail.
(Even if you do not succeed)

So smile as you battle your fears,
And run where your passions lead.
Know humility, compassion, and faith
As you mold your destiny.

Submitted on 2005-10-17 09:54:16 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I'm too cynical to ever write something like this, but it's people like you that make this world a better place. I'm such an unlikable [censored] >:-}

Anyway, onto your writing skills.
The length is good, I don't lose interest in the poem at all, and the ending of each stanza makes a really good closing. My only advice for you is to use more description. Remember, everyone has five senses, make us feel, see, hear, smell, taste the world! Things like colour are a great place to start.

I hope to see you around.
Keep on keeping on,
TRAVWELL!
| Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by travwell | [ Reply to This ]
  Where were you when I was a kid?
Record this for future parents and have it sent to all the newspapers in the world.
Such good solid and wise counseling we all need to take to heart.
I find no fixings, but I just read it for content, not spelling or grammer, so I'll go back before continuing, but I wanted to save my thoughs.
Just as I thought, next to perfection in advice and grammer, thats great writing for anyone, I believe you just may have been writing a while, it looks that way to me!
Just fantastic, it must be from a mother's point of view, thats for sure.
LATER
| Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
  Wise words to a son starting out on his journey of life. If he heeds your advice, he will not go far wrong. A very loving an effective write - well done.
| Posted on 2005-10-18 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
  A respectable piece. I've heard many things that sound like they'd be along these lines; except that those were all along the lines of how great things really are if you just look close enough. I like how you take things that frighten most people and turn it into something more comforting, such as:

Nothing is certain,
So embrace the unknown;
Be brave, and give your all.

And:

So smile as you battle your fears,

Because nobody really wants to face up to their fears; they'd rather run. But rather than saying how things don't have to be feared or that they'll always pull through, you instead suggest the one thing that would get most people through such things.

As well as the notion of embracing the unknown; the unknown being something which many people would rather be shielded from. They'd rather think the earth is flat and there's no such things as ghosts so they can sleep better at night; but those who embrace the unknown are the ones who move on. They just had a little faith; something which you bring in at the end.

Overall, it's just a little bit too happy, since everybody's destiny is as full of peril and despair as it is of happiness and richness, but I'm cynical by nature, so only listen to that if others suggest it as well.

~Aspermere
| Posted on 2005-10-17 00:00:00 | by Aspermere | [ Reply to This ]

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