Description: I think I should change my rhyme scheme, because it's overused and boring. I dunno though, and this poem is from a couple months ago when I was dating someone and I was about to break up.
The Greatest Story Ever Told -------------------------------------------
I woke up shameless today
He whispers in my ear
"Why don't we run away,
get away from here"
And so we talk of many dreams
Of our risky lives to come
It was foolish and so it seems
Our plans were just plain dumb
Shifty eyes traced one another
For in their memory to hold
They glanced at each other
An icy glare so cold
If only the dreams were true
And their frown was a smile
Maybe this would touch you,
Grab you once in a while
But like us all, this story ends
No hollywood ending, but simply bold
Unlike us all, with twists and bends
The greatest story ever told.
Well I have mixed feelings here. First of all a very noble title for this poem. Kinda puts a lot of demand on this poem to be really outstanding. The poem itself is very simple and concise with a familiar rhyme which isnt bad but adds no uniqueness to the poem itself. I think you could spice this one up with some imagery or some descriptive qualities and more emotions. There really isnt anything here for the reader to grab onto and feel. But dont get me wrong, I like what you have here. It has the makings of a wonderful poem but it needs a little more something added to it. Take care.
well the rhyming doesn't seem so creative. ive seen words put together like this before and its not forced at least but something new would of been better. i did like the idea but i think you could stretch it out more. personally, you did an okay job with the descriptive part but you could add more. emotions and maybe more scenery. if you know what i mean. hope that helps. lovely.
Submission Name: The Greatest Story Ever Told
