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Beauty's Sorrow

Author: Phoenix2004
ASL Info:    17/Female/MA
Elite Ratio:    5.69 - 695 /470 /103
Words: 252
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1900
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1510


Thinking of making this into a series... To me, it sounds almost like a fairy tale. One's attempts to win someone else's love. Determined, steadfast... and unprepared for the outcome.

Beauty's Sorrow

Beauty was her name, sweet child made of love,
whom all declared was an angel sent from above.
Her smile brought light to the darkest of nights,
her gentle, loving touch turned all wrongs into rights.
Her eyes offered refuge, deep within her soul,
a place where even the most broken of men became whole.
Beauty's heart was pure, and held compassion for all,
but in the end it was love that would be her downfall.
Beauty fell for a man whose heart had turned cold,
who, though his demeanor was frigid, she had longed to hold.
Day and night she pursued him, but always to no avail,
but Beauty was determined, and she had refused to fail.

She woke him with a poem, and at night sung him to sleep,
Beauty fell into love's ocean, which had proved to be too deep.
Still, she sought to find hope in his desolate eyes,
when she saw there was none, she held back her agonized cries.
Beauty mourned her loss, and searched for affection,
but everywhere she turned, she was met with rejection.
Those who once loved her, saw the change that took place,
the grimace that supplanted the smile once on her face.
Beauty's touch became rough, she could no longer smile,
she became daunted, everlastingly docile.
Her desperate pursuit of that man had turned her soul hollow,
what she sought as love had become Beauty's sorrow.

Submitted on 2005-10-17 19:57:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  well i enjoy reding this poem i just love it .. it hink this ois one of the best work i have read here.. well keep writing and hope you come by and see my stuff ione day . take care and peac and love
have a nice day
this is one of my favorites
| Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey this reminds me of a fairytale written by Anderson. I really like your poem (story) it is so sad and beautiful. You are very talented maybe you should think about writing stories. I will add this piece into my Fav, cuz it is very unique and well written.

Beauty's heart was pure, and held compassion for all,
but in the end it was love that would be her downfall.

These lines were the best. Well done
With love shabnam
| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by shabnam | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked this. It's a nice story, interesting name for a character, though very fitting. There were one or 2 words that seemed like they could be changes to sound better, but other than that it was really good. The story is very passionate and touching, even relatable in an odd sort of way.
| Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by Lady Ankou | [ Reply to This ]
  well hot dog! this for some reason had escaped my or why I dunno but the point is i saw it now and loved it!

Though it's sad it was so beautifully written one can't help but to praise it...

beauty...hmmmmm is everlasting...and so is true love...and not just one sided true love...but an equal love...

it's out a diamond in the just needs to be looked at from a different stand point and then it is found...

| Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very well written poem you have here. I like how you have described this situation. You really allow the reader to understand what they are reading and why what is happening is happening. I think you really could make a bunch of poems, or like you said, a series out of this. This is so sad and leaves me hoping for another one with a more happy ending to it...I am such a sucker for a happy ending. This is really well written and expressed. Great job with this. Take care.

| Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  WOW! This is really good! I have never read such words. Such feeling! Your a Inspiration for all to share. I wish I would of read your poetry way before now! I feel like a fish out of water compaired to you! Keep writting like this and you will make the world care once again.
our heart must be made of GOLD and pure like the first snow?
Well I don't know if will interest you?But it might? Come read some of my poetry and tell me what you think.
Your new friend Kelley
| Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
  Neat job. I quite liked what you did with this, it's an old story, of course, but by using the name Beauty, it's as though you're personifying the word itself.

I'd give it at least one line break in there, just to give the eye a rest, and slow the reader down a bit. Good rhyming, I really liked it a lot.

Very well done

Be Happy

| Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  i really like the story here & love your creativity. i just have a few suggestions that i think would make it a little more powerful.

'when she saw there was none, she held back her pained cries. '
in this line, i think there are words other then pained that could make more of an impression.
when reading it i felt as if the word was not expressing the feeling enough.
agonizing,ailing, forlorn. those words describe more deeply what it was like.

other then that though, i think you did a good job.
your rhyming didnt seem forced, overall it flowed really well.
the way that you used things such as
'Beauty fell into love's ocean, which had proved to be too deep.'
is really a great way to put it. giving more of a picture to what it was like, to what she was getting herself into, what was happening.
i hope that you do make it into a series, if you do the please let me know. i would love to read more.
take care

oh, i love your pictures! this one was perfect for the piece ;)
| Posted on 2005-10-18 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]

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