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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Colddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BrokenAngel
    ASL Info:    19/F/MI
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 178/156/47
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 308
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 782



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsColddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Drowning in the self made sorrow
    Still held back by your fears
    The only thing I wish to know
    Is why I hold these tears

    Falling through the misting pain
    Covering my soul
    Stumbling through the bloodied trees
    That left my heart so cold

    Stealing now the worlds breath
    I watch you as you scream
    You all know me as sweet death
    While I haunt your dreams

    Walking through the misted pain
    I have lost my soul
    Ignoring all the bloodless stares
    I've been left ice cold

    Don't stare at me with blank looks
    You know that I've been here
    You've read about me in your books
    It's time to face your fears




    Submitted on 2005-10-17 21:03:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I was initially drawn to the simple title, which can easily mean so much. It's a good choice.

    I notice you fell off of rhyme in several stanzas but also see where it would be easy to fix. I think it would go much better if you made it so.

    I like to see a good illustration and this is has a place for good one (Death) if you can find something "legal" in the public domain or get permission from one of the many good artists for such characters as you might choose. I've had some problem with this in the past but it's work searching for to add "atmosphere".

    Nice and heartfelt, almost a personal whisper.
    | Posted on 2007-04-30 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked it! It has alot of emotion in it, anger an frustrasion, yet you seek for some sympathy! Keep up the good work!

    _shax_ :)
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by _Shax_ | [ Reply to This ]
      very daunting i like it, it makes the reader scared and yet at the same time enjoying reading it. the layout is good it reminds me of my poems exellent work.
    ...Sarah...
    | Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by my pain | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! this poem speaks to me on many different levels. It's simulataneously challenging, yet saddened, somber yet rebellious. I like the way you laid out the stanzas and rhyme sequence. The words you used to create imagery were perfectly chosen and match the general theme of the piece quite nicely. Brava!

    Meow!
    | Posted on 2005-10-17 00:00:00 | by lynxstarfire | [ Reply to This ]



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