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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Within Teardropsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Aken Sol
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 197/204/67
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 805
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 614



    Description:
       Been a while since i've written anything. Inspiration came into my arms... literally.
    Any feedback would be most appreciated


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWithin Teardropsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Enchanted, I take the plunge.
    Letting go of my self restraint.
    Letting go of everything,
    Everything for you.

    Happiness is found in steps from
    Crescent paths to crested chests.
    I knew, and still i lost my gem,
    Many steps too late.

    Underneath the smiles and giggles,
    Open wounds still lie across
    Your heart that i wish to have.
    Even if another has it.

    Viciously silent, i sit and wait
    Over pretty words like fate.
    Lost in thought and falling hard,
    I sink away slowly with eyes closed.




    Submitted on 2005-10-17 22:07:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      very pretty...i say this at the risk of sounding like im five...but it is, love and broken hearts, they always seem to fit together...i guess it's because in the end love is always ended and it always end painfully, leaving someone hurt.Things get better.
    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]
      even if it has another...speaks to me of true love...unconditional and pure...always present and a constant...your write spoke of this to me...captivating and draws you into it as you read further, nicely done.
    ~Alan
    | Posted on 2005-10-19 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
      I got trapped in the feel and the flow of this one. It was almost like calming sounds of ocean waves rising to shore. Sounds like you care a great deal for this certain someone. Best of luck with that. And if it doesn't work out, atleast you're poem rocked.
    | Posted on 2005-10-18 00:00:00 | by JR Hoodlum | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice, really nice, I was dragged into your story here, dragged into your obsession with this person, despite the fact that it may be a hopeless case.

    You've written this somewhat wistfully, yet with a scathing determination to get what you want ("viciously silent")

    I'm very impressed with this, excellent work

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-10-18 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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