[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Tears of Life; Tears of Deathdots

    Author: Tekin_Kashami
    ASL Info:    18/male/Houston, Texas
    Elite Ratio:    4.39 - 131/77/23
    Words: 177
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 938
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1201


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTears of Life; Tears of Deathdots

    Tears slide down a drawn face in vain
    Strained with evils that time cannot restrain
    Tears thump on dark soil that remains aloof
    Salt-Wate raining from a flat-shingled roof
    Tears of more than water, slowly slither down
    While a throbbing face begins to pound

    Tears carrying sorrow
    As a laugh carries joy
    Tears bearing strength
    Nothing can destroy

    Tears infused with dust slowly fading
    Undignifies mud eternally cacading
    Leaving not where a soul once dwelt
    Making the body no more than a pelt
    Writhing in pain as all is lost
    Knowing none can understand what is lost

    Tears carrying sorrow
    As a laugh carries joy
    Tears bearing strength
    Nothing can destroy

    The face of death is erie when upon him mortals look,
    A gaping mouth proclaiming freedom to those he took
    A puffy lip slowly bitten, allowing blood to trickle down
    Can the pain really end without so much as a sound?
    Death is downtrodden, his offer reluctantly negated
    By precious humanity; What he says is so vastly overrated

    Submitted on 2005-10-18 17:22:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was pretty good. It seems to me like there was someone who suffered a loss...tangable or not. I didn't really get the feeling of death until the last stanza and when I did it seemed like it showed fear...which I can't say I exactly relate to becuase I don't fear it. This had a lot of deeper meaning and it was pretty symbolic in alot of places...good write.
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
    I like this write
    I got the feeling that you were trying to tell people to be fearful of the wrongs they are doing in life for it comes back to us a thousand fold

    Death to me really didnt come into the picture to me until the very last stanza when i believe you were trying to say people shouldnt hold in all the love an admiration they have for someone until he dies not knowing exactly how we felt
    Great Write
    Very Thought Provoking
    | Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh this is a good poem about death. Death is the one thing that really freaks me out. And unfortunately I have lost lots of close people in my life and it never gets easier. To me, I read this as death is like a preacher who tries to sell himself to make people believe that death is a good thing. Maybe that it is a peaceful rest for eternity? But us as mortals dont buy into his words and still remain very fearful of him. The first stanza leaves me a bit confused as I search for the meaning behind it. Maybe that eventually we all have to face our sins and if not in this lifetime then in death? I could pull lots of meanings from this write. It is one of the things I like about this poem. It is indeed thought provoking and that is always a good thing. This one leaves me a little puzzled as I am not sure I grasped the idea, but I leave it with my interpretation which is what makes someone else's poetry so awesome, everyone has their own view and interpretation. Good write! Take care!

    | Posted on 2005-10-27 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Not bad at all.

    My take on it is tears of someone who dies, or is dying, and realize that they have to pay up for what they did whilst alive...a hard price for most.

    If nor religious, then I don't know.

    Very thought-provoking, and that's always good in a poem...make 'em think!

    Well done

    be happy

    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with toxic there is [censored] lot of metaphors and stuff in here, and it is great, but my IQ isn't that high it was a lettle hard to understand, but what i did gain from it, was great.
    | Posted on 2005-10-18 00:00:00 | by withblindedeyez | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay, I'm going to try and analyze your poem and you pm me and tell me if I'm right or not. This poem is about someone who loses someone or something and it literally hollows them inot a pelt, as you said. The last paragraph i think is about someone who is afraid of death. See, this is one of those poems that uses a load of symbolism, and don't get me wrong, those types of poetry of awesome. It takes some scholars years to decifer a piece of symbolic poetry or writing. So, this is very good. I really like your write. Hey, check out my profile and poetry and tell me what you think. Could you give me a comment on "Prayer of the Pagan". I don't like it much myself, but it would be nice if someone commented on it. Thanks, and great write.
    | Posted on 2005-10-18 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]