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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sirens Do Not Sing For Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rob Orchard
    ASL Info:    22/m/Caleefornya
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 72/117/42
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 922
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 884



    Description:
       Im so alone, pretend im not, and yet I love to see others lonely while i should be the one there to comfort them


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSirens Do Not Sing For Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sirens do not sing to me
    No voices echo in my ear
    Sailing through this black sea
    Alone with no fear
    Grey eyes see a dismal place
    A lull as silent as forever
    Dreamless world with one lace
    Not one soul could be so clever

    Sirens do not sing to me
    No lullaby plays through my head
    I have no eternal and no key
    Rather I die here than on her bed
    My boat moans on through the gray
    Mist veils me from any other
    Did I sin, do I pray?
    Tell me now, now tell me brother

    Sirens do not sing to me
    For It is I who sing to they
    I hide in that “burning” tree
    With gray eyes in need of play
    Wisdom's fruit that seems to shine
    Scald the roughest hand
    Though the grayness always fades in time
    The scar never leads to land




    Submitted on 2005-10-19 00:46:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This one I like.
    However...

    'Sirens do not sing to me
    For It is I who sing to they' - grammatically incorrect. Don't make up nonsense just to rhyme. in fact, i got that feeling throughout.

    I like the repetition - I'm a great fan of that technique.

    Oh, also... I think it's spelled 'grey'... you have it that way the first time, but the next few times it's 'gray'. being australian, I go with the former.

    Oookay. Content. Not sure. I don't like how you bring a 'her' in. I think that detracted a bit for me. Anyway... can't be bothered finishing this comment... may be back later to complete it.

    Shana.
    | Posted on 2006-07-09 00:00:00 | by shana | [ Reply to This ]
      I love your description. I know exactly what you mean. When I am alone I feel so lonely. When others want to be alone I respect their isolation and leave them to meditate on their thoughts. I don't want to promote my poetry but if you would like to check out Lonely by me, Katrinagolden, then maybe you could give me your opinion.

    Yet you are not lonely for you mention a person to whom you speak. I am guessing that this person does listen and that he is there for you. I love solitude, it is the only time when I truly feel comfortable with myself.

    I liked how you use "Sirens do not sing to me", the repitition is wonderful. I have a question, do you feel lonely because you miss companions or a loved one? Sirens were considered creatures of desire. What are yours?

    I do not think that you are depressed. I think that you are meditating on your isolation. Your thoughts are concise and you know what the purpose of your solitude is. Though you want someone to listen to you you will be content with being the listener and not the speaker. Remember however that our voices must be heard.
    | Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by Katrinagolden | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked how you used the repetition in this poem I think it really worked. This poem was really sad and made me feeling like you are at your lowest point and are ready to just lay down and die. The poem flowed really well, but i felt like you forced the rhyme in a few areas such as: " Sirens do not sing to me
    For It is I who sing to they
    I hide in that “burning” tree
    With gray eyes in need of play..."

    And in a few other places. That's the only thing I would change. Good job:)
    | Posted on 2005-10-19 00:00:00 | by Amanda Bee | [ Reply to This ]


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