I liked this one! I did the challenge too and haikus are difficult but you pulled it off! Being in the prescence of love is always fantastic! Great girl! Love,Peace,Joy & Smiles to share tif
I really liked this If you think about it you created a full story that really makes the mind think in these few short lines That my Friend is Talent Excellent Write Your Friend Ron
And Thank You for the recent comments I always enjoy hearing from you Please keep in touch Ron
This is very short but very passionate and speaks volumes without lots of words. You could have really turned this one into a really hot and passionate write but you have chosen to keep it short and simple instead. I like how you have allowed the reader to use their own imagination here. This one starts out with the first line really setting the tone and giving a nonspecific clue as to what is happening and then finished off with a lovely ending of the two of you laying together. This is very passionate yet very tasteful. You have risen well to this challenge. Nice poem! Take care!
Very nice sentiment! The afterglow as "Magic" is an original concept. When combined as "The Magic of Two" it becomes sentimental, expressing the quiet bliss of those "Afterwards" moments. Here's a couple of suggestions ( to use or abuse, as you see fit):
I think "Blood" would sound better than "Bloods" and I don't think the "s" is necessary. It should be "lying" not "laying".
There is of course an erotic feel to the beginning of this which gets toned down with the concluding sentiment. This works well and keeps your poem on a higher plane. Nice work!
One gets a nice, calm, sensual feeling while reading this. The afterglow of being with that special someone.. the magic. Nice sentiment. Glad you joined in the challenge. I've been asked to write one using the word "jellybeans" Ha! guess I may give it a shot. This should be interesting :) Hope you're having a good day. ~Sandra
Submission Name: The Magic of Two(challenge)
