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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: For the Blessed Indifferentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Sweet as Sugar
    ASL Info:    17/F/WY
    Elite Ratio:    3.7 - 43/50/13
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 604
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 555



    Description:
       Okay people I just wrote this in five minutes. I know it needs better development and it fits together in a very strange way but it is here for you to read so please enjoy and thank you all

    Okay and the meaning I am trying to get at is... That all through life I feel detached. Everyone's dream is to love and be loved, but I have never loved, never felt love, and as of this moment plan not to feel love. Therefore I know that the terrible pain that love creates will never be mine so I can judge love from an outsiders view


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor the Blessed Indifferentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I tell you now why love displeases me
    I tell you now why love will never ever be
    I sit upon this throne so high
    Observing from the sky
    I only hold the key
    You see
    A key to solve all your woes
    A key to see all love's kind blows
    I am detached
    From this I sit mismatched
    No love will come
    Although trying some
    I find no one
    The key is hope embedded deep
    Where no emotion will ever seep
    I love nought
    Therefore love and I have never fought.




    Submitted on 2005-10-19 18:51:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is an interesting concept. It is true that love is a double-edged sword, so to speak, but isn't life about getting through hard time to get to the good?

    Anyway, the write itself was solid in that it got your message across, but I, too, feel as though this could be structured a little better. I believe rhyming to be a challenge, but if you sit down and think: "I'm going to write a piece about _____, right now," then I don't think rhyming is appropriate, as it serves as a restriction on what one can say. That would be my critisism of this write. I do like the personification of love in the last line though, I think it adds a new dimension to those elusive four letters. Good write.
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      hey i enjoyed this write a lot

    just know something

    I am a 36 year old man who has never ever felt true love as in a relationship

    i have only felt love towards family and friends and of course God

    Maybe one day it will happen but i to am not looking for it

    Take Care
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      ah you sound so much like me...love's a misconception...I think you have some good thoughts and emotions here...but it needs to be structured better...where your previous pieces seem to flow this one seems as though it was forced...as though you didnt know exactly how to word what it is that you felt...

    Tina
    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      Reading this makes me reflect...sounds as if you are completely emotionally isolated the way this work is written from the line " I am detached" and "Where no emotion will ever seep"...how I know is this reminded me of me some years ago as I read this.
    For a five minute write...it is very well done, open and honest...one day may you find true love...may it bring you to life in a way you will never forget.
    ~Alan
    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
      Perhaps your name should be Gibraltar; you are the rock that will forever remain unstained and untouched by disappointment. Of course, the drawback to insulating the soul from pain is the inability to enjoy pain's opposite equal. That being said, this is actually not a bad poem in the least. It expresses anger tinged with boredom and fatalistic numbness quite effectively. Good luck on the outcome if love ever finds you; it should be quite a duel.
    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm...I like this.I think I know what you are getting at though.This is an outsider's view of love.It' the point of veiw of a person that has heard so many things about this thing called "love".They don't know what it is and by the all of the pain they have seen caused by this,they decide they want no part of it.Besides that,they have also never experienced love either so therefore they have never "fought"...Am I right?I hope so.Well,I liked this poem a lot,so I'm adding it to my favs list!So,God bless. :D - Lindel
    | Posted on 2005-10-19 00:00:00 | by LRRolins | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmm... interesting...but strange... what exactly are you trying to say? its kinda unclear... but i have a feeling im just not looking in the right places... i'd hate to say it, but im anal. thrown should be throne. heh ok good luck!
    | Posted on 2005-10-19 00:00:00 | by hmmmm... | [ Reply to This ]


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