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    dots Submission Name: Forgotten or Foresakendots

    Author: Tekin_Kashami
    ASL Info:    18/male/Houston, Texas
    Elite Ratio:    4.39 - 131/77/23
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 707
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 835

       I just wrote this right into the submit thing because I can't sleep. It's a rough draft of sorts.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForgotten or Foresakendots

    I look into your eyes
    And see the tears come to a brim
    The soft brown imprints clouded
    With the juice of your heart
    For a moment pity surges through my flesh
    Just as I remember,
    I've seen it all before.
    You pout as your eyes grow
    puffy and red
    But I remember this time
    And look to the moon
    You try to hypnotize with your words
    But the Raven says "Nevermore."
    You try to manipulate
    You draconion slob
    I will not be pinioned by you any longer
    They say men abuse
    and force women to smile
    But the true evil lies
    In that seductive female grin
    You try to confuse me
    Make me forget what I knew
    But no more
    I'm done
    It's over
    I'm through

    Submitted on 2005-10-19 23:10:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a cutting wisdom very few adults possess even as they claim to be mature. The fact that soulless tears almost suck you into a world of pity shows how easily the heart can be manipulated; but your declaration of independence at the close of the poem gives me hope you've learned a valuable lesson at an early age. Very nicely done.
    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! Your poem "Forgotten or Forsaken,"was really your outlet during that moment when you can`t sleep, I can feel it. Ultimately, you end up with the words "I`m through," I`m very sorry that "it" ended in that way. I like poems that I inspired by certain emotions because they depicts authentic art. I am a new member of elite skills and I`m learning a lot from you guys.
    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by Teboho Mochaoa | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! For such a young age you have a very mature mind. This poem was excellent! Espesaily for it being written on the spot. I like how you showed the minipulative ways of the female race. Yes I am a female and you would think that I would be in favor of my own kind, and I am, but I do agree that the guys can be decived just as much by the girl as the other way around. Girls have a way of getting into guys heads and making them feel guilty for things they didn't even do. We tend to have you guys running around in circles untill you throw up. I, Myself, try not do that but I know my manipulative ways slip out once in awhile.

    I love the way you wrote this and I espesaily like the last few lines:

    "You try to confuse me
    Make me forget what I knew
    But no more
    I'm done
    It's over
    I'm through"

    This is great! Keep up the good work.

    - -Oli
    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by Oli | [ Reply to This ]

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