The Dark by darkness

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Submission Name: The Dark dots

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Author:	darkness
ASL Info:	19/F/my own world
Elite Ratio:	1.84 - 524/218/40
Words:	91

Class/Type:	Poetry/Religious
Total Views:	302
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	651

Description:

The Dark dots

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Darkness engulf me
sooth my soul
calm my mind
my thoughts so clear

the moon invites me
peaking from behind
the velvet curtains
in my darkend lair

silence surround me
beutiful silence
I can hear myself think
praising Him gratefully

you break my butiful silence
flooding my lair with unreal light
blinding my precious sight

but the night will remain
till dawn
the moon
peaking through my window

Glory be to God
who created darkness so calm
and the moon so bright

Submitted on 2005-10-20 15:27:58 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  I'm not a big Jesus person but I do like to have things that have to be re-read a few times. I had to re-read it so as not to miss the meaning. It is a great poem. I love your writings.
| Posted on 2007-09-23 00:00:00 | by deranged shadow | [ Reply to This ]
  very nicely written. so quietly said, in such beautiful phrase. you make your point across, in 91 words. beautiful.
| Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by _Phoenix | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked this poem, because it gave a feeling of understanding the silence, understanding what God has to say or not say. I believe this poem is one to be taken into ones own mind and understood how ever they wish. either way, it was a really good poem
| Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by MyHeart2Yours | [ Reply to This ]
  Dude this amazing. It' s really deep. I t totally makes you wonder about things. Your poems are soo...soo... gorgeous. lol. I know thats not what you weer thinking about oh well.
| Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by UnPerfect | [ Reply to This ]
  thanx for your kind words i am glad you like the words i write
i think your post was fantastic i also enjoy darkness of any kind it makes my mind at ease and that is when my best writes are written
silence is also very gratifing to ecspecially how you said it surrounds you i think when everything is quiet and no one is talking is beautiful
i stayed speechless for 7 years in a relationship once and never spoke to my partner until she went koo koo
great write and we all make spelling mistakes no big deal
sandman
| Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very different piece in that you give glory to god for darkness. Most people despise god for giving them darkness. i liked how you switched it up there. Silence surrounds me, I can hear myself think, beautiful silence praising him gratefully. This is my favorite line of the piece. The picture I pulled from it was that you thank him with out saying a word, Like in your head. Darkness engulf me, smooth my soul. Another great line, again very different meaning than expected. Though I am not a very religeous person, this is a enjoyable piece. Its kinda peaceful in its own way. Soothing. The only thing that I can pick out is maybe to add punctuation. but hey, just my thoughts, don't change it if ya don't want to.
I like your work and keep it up!

Jussy
| Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by Jussy | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought it was a good write, but there were some spelling errors. it needed more flow, and some more rythem. but other than that I liked it.
| Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by lost and alone | [ Reply to This ]
  Good poem, liked it, I like poems with short stanza's it builds the emotion, I seriously liked it, continue your good work.

You have a good flow, you really write good poems, you really use good words, words I don't think of using, and if it happens that you have an idea of a word, but can't find it, write a simple word like big, and then use a thesaurus on word or any other places.

So okay, one last thing... lemme think, hmmmm at the end maybe write a stanza that SHOCKS, lemme find an example for your poem that would fit.....

Glory be to God
who created darkness so calm
and the moon so bright

insted of that....

Glory be to God
who created the moon so bright
and the darkness so calm...

maybe, It gives suspense, and ending with the antonym of ur poem, I dont know but it doesn't look good I think, I'm really picky lol, anyway, good seeing short poems, the long ones dont make me feel like reading them, espeicelly the ones who r not seperated, all in a big pack with long sentences *sigh* anyway continue, tell me if you have any Short poems to read lol. Continue the good work.

Kev-
| Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by Wolfeye_666 | [ Reply to This ]
  At first I was rather unnerved by the fact that you were praising darkness and had catagorised this as religious. It almost seemed as if this was a gothic praise to the devil. Ha ha. Although, true as you are, and stereotypical as I am, just like God created light, he also created the darkness, and it is probably the most comforting time of prayer, at night.

Please allow me to point out some spelling errors. In line eight: "darkened", in line ten, and again in line thirteen: "beautiful".

DeepDreamer2008
| Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]

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