Beyond The Common Sight by dmm

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Submission Name: Beyond The Common Sight dots

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Author:	dmm
ASL Info:	50/M/Minnesota
Elite Ratio:	3.81 - 741/888/102
Words:	79

Class/Type:	Poetry/Nature
Total Views:	1200
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	577

Description:
Just a simple poem relecting how I feel as the summer ends and we close up the cabin til spring

Beyond The Common Sight dots

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Tarn of Maple Ridge
reflecting fragrant firs
and cumulus formations in the sky.

Lying placid, hidden
beyond the common sight,
yet there to fill the weary eye.

Beckoning to creatures
a haven in her arms,
the fish below,the osprey soars on high.

The forest cover dying,
it's brilliant colors grand,
and soon she'll sleep,beneath the ice she'll lie.

In long nights of winter
blue water shall I dream,
In memories of Maple Lake I glide.

Submitted on 2005-10-20 19:33:17 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  How beautiful! The imagery in this piece is wonderful.. it reads beautifully.
With a place such as this, I can see how the memory of it could carry you through winter.
I think, in your mention of the firs in the first part..and later, the dying of the brilliant colors..was a description of how it was when you arrived in the spring and then left just as fall arrived? And the dreams you have, of seeing her again come next spring?
I agree with Graeme about using the word "Tarn". Though I had to look up the meaning, I think it fits wonderfully.

~Sandra
| Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Very beautifully written
I saw the imagery perfectly

I actually saw myself leaning on the side of that lake catching a salmon in my hands and then releasing him

A Very Very good write!

Please keep in touch
Ron
a Very Very good write
Take Care
And Please keep in touch
Ron
| Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a lovely poem. And how fortunate you are to have such a lovely hideaway to escape to! I am envious! You have done a great job with the imagery in this poem. It is full of wonderful descriptions that allow me to picture this place in my mind. How sad it must be to see the season come to an end having to leave such a beautiful place. This is a wonderful poem. Take care!

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-10-26 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Dan,

Hmm...
I like the images and sentiment. Still somehow I think you could tighten it up a bit.

Maybe it is just me... here are some thoughts.

beyond the common sight,
yet there to fill the weary eye

beyond the common sight,
yet there to fill a fortunate weary eye

Beckoning to creatures
a haven in her arms,

A haven in her arms,
beckoning to creatures

I really do like it. It is a feel good kind of poem.

Chrystine
| Posted on 2005-10-21 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
  Everyone's dream, this secret hideaway of yours. What's great is you know how lucky you are. Loved the imagery in this poem, Dan. I dont think it needs to be expanded at all. Just let your imagination run wild. Lovely, gentle write, this is exactly what you're so good at. Thanks for sharing this one.
Carol
| Posted on 2005-10-21 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the pace you set with this piece, slow and majestic.
If there are any thoughts I could add, it would be to expand on the image you've created. Give more descriptions of the lake and the surround woods. Also, think about the day, is it calm or windy? Is it cloudy or are the clouds scattered? How does the temperature change as you move from the Autumn image to the Winter image? Make me see it as you do.

Another little nit pick, in the first stanza you mention fir trees, which are conifers, then in the fourth stanza you describe brilliant colors which suggests deciduous trees. After reading this several times, I got the impression of a mixed forest, but this isn't made clear in your description.
| Posted on 2005-10-21 00:00:00 | by shdwpoet2 | [ Reply to This ]
  Simply stunning, Dan, it dragged me in and took me along with it, I saw the snow falling, the ice-covered lake ("tarn" was a brilliant move) the osprey...

I can't praise this enough, it's very beautifully done. You're lucky to have such a hideaway.

Be Happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.