Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Everywheredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: playcrackthesky
    ASL Info:    21/f/IA
    Elite Ratio:    4.46 - 463/457/88
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Misc/Passion
    Total Views: 1073
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1042



    Description:
       ugh help me please


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEverywheredots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your breath heats the
    Skin of my shoulder
    While lips caress my cheek.

    Can you feel my hands
    Warming the skin above your back?

    Fingertips sweeping flesh
    Freeing my collar
    From the tangles of my hair.

    And you scream in the air
    “Why can’t air fill my lungs?
    You’re my lovely singing tear.”

    Sing for me tonight
    A lullaby to sleep.

    Your smile dances to your eyes
    As you kiss my teeth
    And tickle my thigh.

    I can feel, you’re everywhere.

    Muscles strain to keep you there
    High above the clouds in your eyes
    Forearms steady by my face

    Lose myself in your touch.

    And you scream in the air
    “Why can’t air fill my lungs?
    You’re my lovely singing tear.”

    Are my toes reaching yours?
    Hands are keeping me back
    Holding on for a longer last.

    I can feel you everywhere in me.




    Submitted on 2005-10-20 21:48:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow this is beautiful. I love what it makes you feel. To be there. To feel another. To love another. Kissing, loving. Very nice. It brings thoughts of love. I see everything in the light of love. I hope that you have shown this to who this is written for. If you have the time read my writing "the act of love making" I like it. Very good write. Awesome. Blake!!
    | Posted on 2007-09-23 00:00:00 | by deranged shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      have you shown him this?
    this is truely the most wonderful write...
    its soft and gentle, loving and passionate and yet not too over the top so as to turn the reader off by soppy clichés and all... there is a balance here that i cannot put my finger on...

    i am in love with the smiling tear...
    in one of my writes i had a smiling why...
    i guess i am captivated by the ideas that why's and tears arent usually smiling and so to see them in this light is somewhat obscure and yet... its hauntingly beautiful...

    you gotta have faith in your words honey... it is obvious to the reader that this is where its at for you and while it is hard to put such intense emotions and experiences into adequate words i think you have done magically here...

    happiness is something that should always be yours steph...
    | Posted on 2005-10-21 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Steph, this is very good. I dont see anything really that I would recommend you change in this write! It is sincere and has lots of depth and feeling to it. It sounds so full of love and a completeness that you feel with this person. Their presence is felt all throughout you. It reads like a passionate poem that is also full of love and admiration. A loving appreciation for this person is also something I get from this. I think you have written a fine write here. No bad words from me! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-10-21 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      the emotion and imagery you displayed in this poem is fantastic
    I really got into it when i was reading it
    I believe i got the message to this poem but im not sure
    are you talking about wanting love but evreywhere you turn you hust cant seem to find it
    if thats it ive been there too

    Just remain positive and realize your younf you have your whole life ahead of you
    Look at how your gifted in the picture you displayed of your family
    its so touching to see

    Take Care of yourself
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-10-21 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked that last line in the chorus, its pretty cool. I dont think you need any help with the write, its pretty solid. Nice one Steph. Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-10-21 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, Stephanie, this is pretty deep....help you? If I were you I'd drown myself in this emotion, it sounds great!
    I loved every bit of this except the chorus...I just don't understand it.

    The rest is superb

    Well done

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-10-21 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    78284

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by ShyOne
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    AI written by poetotoe
    Push written by JanePlane
    Ache written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Fasade written by jackz
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Cover written by saartha
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry