I forgot to add that i loved the ending. How the father says that no matter what he says you will do as you please. This is the path you and i both choose. If someone came to me today and said that if i stopped doing as i do that i would have forgiveness...well i would ponder over it long and hard, look them in the face and say "thanks but no thanks." I think what we do makes up who we are. I wouldn't change myself again. I did it once and ended up losing myself along the way. I totally forgot who i was and became what others wanted me to be. Now after 5yrs of being that person i can finnally let the fake smile slip away and became once again, myself. After so long, i too " have chosen to continue on this path toward the destiny that is mine"
This is different. I never thought you would write a poem to ask for forgiveness...i never saw it coming. I think the fact of that is the reason i like it so much. It is something that is burried deep within everyone's soul. Even though we may look as though we care not what we have done in our life, there will always be this small part of us that wishes to have forgiveness for all the sins we have done. With you i see this side coming out. Nice Write Mike!
A sin is forgiven if you apology to the right GOD.God is no father, GOD is one and no son and no mother.God is Allah. And Allah will forgive you if you wanted to purify your sins and take Allah and Mohammed's path. Sorry to tell you this because this is what they say on the Holy Quran and my religion. A great confession of yours and surely a realistic one. IT feels like real.A poetic sinner.
I am only nineteen but I have dealt so much pain I have taken so many lives and said the lords name in vain
a good contrast on"ive taken so many lives and said the lords name in vain"
This was very well written - lyrical almost. I would hope that this is all metaphorical and if I understand it right - in a way, you are using the "atrocities" of murder - sin - to relay that we all sin and we are not, singularly, to judge for that? Interesting for sure. Love,Peace,Joy! tif
This was certainly interesting. Your writing style is captivating and it made a compelling reading… Did I understand it? Let me see… When I read the title, I thought it was a message to a father on earth but then it struck me that you might be talking about the Heavenly Father. It made sense till I read the 10th stanza which completely threw me off:
"Son, no matter what I tell you, you will continue to do as you please. But I believe in my heart that there is know cure for your disease!"
One, did you mean “no cure” or “now cure” because “know cure” is not something I understand! If I think about it, you must mean “now cure” because then the last stanza makes sense i Yes I know I can go straight and walk the narrow and steep path but no thank you, I’d like to be bad (or something like that). This I think would be completely profound and scary because it is so true of some people. They do horrible stuff while being completely aware of it and with no regret.
I do have a couple of questions though. Are the crimes the guy is thinking about only in his head? I did not quite get the references to “Sabbath”, “within the confines of the Lords holy steeple” and “while singing the Lords holy songs”… Also, who are “Dahmer, Gacy, and Bundy”?
Some typos you might want to correct: Stanza 1, Line 1: “fogive me” = “forgive me” Stanza 1, Line 4: “cofession begins” = “confession begins” Stanza 6, Line 3: “eventhough i have commited” = “even though i have committed” Stanza 7, Line 2: “a shepard” = “a shepherd”
this really amazing i mean wow. the set up the word usage the flow all great. i liked how you made this a conversation type of deal i thought that added a special touch to the peice. once again i am amazed and completely in awe of this peice great work keep it up...Joy
wow i really like the words i dont know exactly what to say about it i juts really liked it all i guess. it made me think of a women i used to know and all the things i've done thinknig it was right. i like the way you set it up and the word choices .
First of all, your references to famous serial killers and to mass-killings and atrocities horrifies and disgusts me. Second, this is an incredibly well-written piece. I love it, just not the topic. Sin is a big thing for me, i am fascinated by it, and also by psycosis, coincidentally. Anyway, i TRULY hope this is extreme metaphore, because this subject matter is quite wrong.
oh, BTW, soldier o tears, i do not want to offend your religious beliefs, but i personally think it is wrong to flaunt them the way you did, no matter what The Minister wrote, your beliefs are yours, his our his, keep sensitive topics like religion to private messages if you please, thank you.
man i really really liked this one...the way it is written and its rhyming give it a very unique character..the urge for mass murder and how the protagnist continues in his path..this piece beautiful!my favourite lines..the 2nd stanza..very well written...