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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "A MESSAGE TO THE FATHER..."dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: The Minister
    ASL Info:    20/M/Tacoma
    Elite Ratio:    2.51 - 28/47/6
    Words: 317
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1503
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1803



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"A MESSAGE TO THE FATHER..."dots
    -------------------------------------------


    "A MESSAGE TO THE FATHER..."

    Father fogive me
    for i have sinned
    pay close attention
    while my cofession begins

    For many years now
    i have dreamed of genocide
    mass executions
    and i have flirted with my addiction to homicide

    Will you grant me retribution
    for the thousands that have died?
    or will you condemn me for my actions
    and strip me of my pride?

    I have had many role-models
    like Dahmer, Gacy, and Bundy
    and i have practiced all their teachings
    on the sabbath... which is Sunday

    Even you yourself
    have had to execute vengeance upon the people
    I too have had to do this
    within the confines of the Lords holy steeple

    Answer my question
    Father have i done wrong?
    eventhough i have commited these acts
    while singing the Lords holy songs

    You are an affiliate of God
    and a shepard of his flock
    have i strayed from his path?
    or should I continue my walk?

    I am only nineteen
    but I have dealt so much pain
    I have taken so many lives
    and said the lords name in vain

    Some consider what I have done
    to be purely satanic
    Father, are their statements true?
    should I have reason to panic?

    "Son, no matter what I tell you,
    you will continue to do as you please.
    But I believe in my heart
    that there is know cure for your disease!"

    Father I am sorry
    for I have wasted your time
    but I have chosen to continue on this path
    toward the destiny that is mine




    Submitted on 2005-10-21 18:00:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I forgot to add that i loved the ending. How the father says that no matter what he says you will do as you please. This is the path you and i both choose. If someone came to me today and said that if i stopped doing as i do that i would have forgiveness...well i would ponder over it long and hard, look them in the face and say "thanks but no thanks." I think what we do makes up who we are. I wouldn't change myself again. I did it once and ended up losing myself along the way. I totally forgot who i was and became what others wanted me to be. Now after 5yrs of being that person i can finnally let the fake smile slip away and became once again, myself. After so long, i too " have chosen to continue on this path
    toward the destiny that is mine"

    Akai_Ame
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ]
      This is different. I never thought you would write a poem to ask for forgiveness...i never saw it coming. I think the fact of that is the reason i like it so much. It is something that is burried deep within everyone's soul. Even though we may look as though we care not what we have done in our life, there will always be this small part of us that wishes to have forgiveness for all the sins we have done. With you i see this side coming out. Nice Write Mike!

    Akai_Ame
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ]
      A sin is forgiven if you apology to the right GOD.God is no father, GOD is one and no son and no mother.God is Allah. And Allah will forgive you if you wanted to purify your sins and take Allah and Mohammed's path. Sorry to tell you this because this is what they say on the Holy Quran and my religion. A great confession of yours and surely a realistic one. IT feels like real.A poetic sinner.

    I am only nineteen
    but I have dealt so much pain
    I have taken so many lives
    and said the lords name in vain

    a good contrast on"ive taken so many lives and said the lords name in vain"
    | Posted on 2005-10-27 00:00:00 | by Soldier O_Tears | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very well written - lyrical almost. I would hope that this is all metaphorical and if I understand it right - in a way, you are using the "atrocities" of murder - sin - to relay that we all sin and we are not, singularly, to judge for that?
    Interesting for sure.
    Love,Peace,Joy! tif
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      This was certainly interesting. Your writing style is captivating and it made a compelling reading… Did I understand it? Let me see… When I read the title, I thought it was a message to a father on earth but then it struck me that you might be talking about the Heavenly Father. It made sense till I read the 10th stanza which completely threw me off:

    "Son, no matter what I tell you,
    you will continue to do as you please.
    But I believe in my heart
    that there is know cure for your disease!"

    One, did you mean “no cure” or “now cure” because “know cure” is not something I understand! If I think about it, you must mean “now cure” because then the last stanza makes sense i
    Yes I know I can go straight and walk the narrow and steep path but no thank you, I’d like to be bad (or something like that). This I think would be completely profound and scary because it is so true of some people. They do horrible stuff while being completely aware of it and with no regret.

    Great poem.

    I do have a couple of questions though. Are the crimes the guy is thinking about only in his head? I did not quite get the references to “Sabbath”, “within the confines of the Lords holy steeple” and “while singing the Lords holy songs”… Also, who are “Dahmer, Gacy, and Bundy”?

    Some typos you might want to correct:
    Stanza 1, Line 1: “fogive me” = “forgive me”
    Stanza 1, Line 4: “cofession begins” = “confession begins”
    Stanza 6, Line 3: “eventhough i have commited” = “even though i have committed”
    Stanza 7, Line 2: “a shepard” = “a shepherd”
    | Posted on 2005-10-21 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      this really amazing i mean wow. the set up the word usage the flow all great. i liked how you made this a conversation type of deal i thought that added a special touch to the peice. once again i am amazed and completely in awe of this peice great work keep it up...Joy
    | Posted on 2005-10-21 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW. thats truly all there is to say. purely beautiful. its amaizing how well you seem to get inside my brain and take the words right off tung. i think i love you for this one.
    | Posted on 2005-10-21 00:00:00 | by sweet sorenity | [ Reply to This ]
      wow i really like the words i dont know exactly what to say about it i juts really liked it all i guess. it made me think of a women i used to know and all the things i've done thinknig it was right. i like the way you set it up and the word choices .
    | Posted on 2005-10-21 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all, your references to famous serial killers and to mass-killings and atrocities horrifies and disgusts me. Second, this is an incredibly well-written piece. I love it, just not the topic. Sin is a big thing for me, i am fascinated by it, and also by psycosis, coincidentally. Anyway, i TRULY hope this is extreme metaphore, because this subject matter is quite wrong.

    oh, BTW, soldier o tears, i do not want to offend your religious beliefs, but i personally think it is wrong to flaunt them the way you did, no matter what The Minister wrote, your beliefs are yours, his our his, keep sensitive topics like religion to private messages if you please, thank you.

    ~Kane~
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by Kane Martyr | [ Reply to This ]
      man i really really liked this one...the way it is written and its rhyming give it a very unique character..the urge for mass murder and how the protagnist continues in his path..this piece beautiful!my favourite lines..the 2nd stanza..very well written...
    | Posted on 2005-10-22 00:00:00 | by jassal | [ Reply to This ]


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