[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: City On The Edge Of Foreverdots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2788/1297/258
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 929
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1036

       I suppose this is the opposite equal to another work submitted a months ago (Letter From Another Country) detailing a loss of innocence and an indifference to beauty. BTW, the last few lines have nothing to do with sex.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCity On The Edge Of Foreverdots

    Life seems a
    tempting blend
    of 'must haves'
    and 'don't needs'
    the twisted whip of
    acquaintence, friendship,
    enmity, compulsive desires,
    jealousy, death,
    base elements, greed.

    Strolling the strand
    of some denuded beach,
    baked bones litter a bleached
    shoreline, corpse strewn sands,
    blood stained coral reefs;
    it must have been an Eden once,
    it must have surpassed
    the seer's dream, before Hell
    foreclosed on Heaven,
    stole her loveliness,
    stripped the temple
    of her priest.

    Foundations plowed,
    raped gates, a multitude of
    wonders, innocence deceased,
    another Eden's necessities,
    wannabes that must
    desparately be ignored
    even as her kisses

    ...and in
    the end
    the love
    you take
    is equal to
    the love
    you make

    Submitted on 2005-10-22 01:04:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      You paint a vivid, though sad picture.
    I love the quiet pace of the rhythm of you words….
    and I like the slight discomfort I feel while enjoying your poetry, because the work is lovely but it is about un-lovely things….
    I take it to be the rape of the planet, rather than a specific act….

    I love
    ''baked bones litter a bleached
    shoreline, corpse strewn sands,
    blood stained coral reefs;''

    and relish
    ''a multitude of
    wonders, innocence deceased,''

    lovely writing
    sad reflections

    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the title, very catchy. The listing of your descriptions and your references to Eden make this poem REALLY deep. Overall, very good job.
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Kane Martyr | [ Reply to This ]
      I find it hard to write on this one. I am moved by the images.

    I rest in the final lines. Very touvching in its metaphor.

    Nice work.

    | Posted on 2005-10-22 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      Deep my man very deep, maybe toooooooo deep for such weak minds to filter and decipher.
    it appeared as more of a city on the edge of a flat planet than anyting else. Wait a minute I know that town, I think I've been there done that place several times. Kind of like - you reap what you sow thing huh!
    | Posted on 2005-10-22 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]