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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Socially Insignificant Lapsedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: zhi wei
    ASL Info:    17, Male, Malaysia.
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 171/203/53
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 878
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 830



    Description:
       This poem is about me being bored, and how I unintentionally deal with it. no joke. it really is about boredom. tell me what you thought of it, and what it made you think about!


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    dotsA Socially Insignificant Lapsedots
    -------------------------------------------


    This dullness drags drearily
    In slow, lazy steps
    Which compel my mind so weary
    To wander into
    a socially insignificant lapse;

    I am forced to think.
    But are these thoughts worth thinking?
    For the contemplation concludes
    With only questionable findings
    Absent of the answer that eludes
    That I seek;
    but never find.
    That we have sought;
    but have never found.

    I am not a philosopher, poet or a playwright;
    But I am thinking.
    I am thinking.
    I could not have thought more at once

    Then I remind myself of my redundancy.
    And this monotony drags drearily
    In fast, impatient steps
    And as sudden as it had set in
    It ends
    And I can think no more.




    Submitted on 2005-10-22 07:24:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      thi is a really cool poem. I like how the phrase "as quicly as it sets in"... because it gives it this feeling, like you got the 24 hour flu... while instead you're talking about unique thought. And it's funny how contemplation, and momentarily NOT focusing on the fear and gossip saturated world, is viewed as being something kind of negative.
    there's a certain sense of wonder in this line:
    I am not a philosopher, poet or a playwright;
    But I am thinking.
    that makes me really like it. Good Job!
    | Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by Kristen Gudsnuk | [ Reply to This ]
      Much better than many of your works-- you seem quite in love with archaic language, but the problem with archaic language is that very, very few people can pull it off without sounding ridiculous. This piece steps away from that sort of formality, which gives your words dignity and gravity instead of smothering them in lace and brocade.

    The structure here is good. The beginning and end are as compelling as they ought to be, but the middle is quite weak-- although it is about boredom, thoughts should not be totally devoid of description. They're not just thoughts, they're thoughts about something, aren't they?

    Good job with this one... I've been meaning for a while to comment on your work. Apologies for the lateness.
    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by mara | [ Reply to This ]
      heyy zhi wei,

    i was reading your poem out loud and i was thinking you might want to break up some sentences into shorter fragments for greater emphasis (in line with your exasperating sense of boredom). and i feel you can play around with the form of your words with such a fun poem (haha no kidding. i know the topic is on boredom). eg. caps on the repetition of 'I am thinking'.

    also, i like your title loads i personally believe a good open-ended title draws people to read your work.

    and i can write no more. (haha)

    take care!
    Rachel
    | Posted on 2005-10-29 00:00:00 | by wilted_ | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting piece, with a couple near rhymes which break up the close meter and flow. Drearily could easily be replaced, as there are more fitting terms for those slot. The repetition of terms doesn't quite work, as there is an absence of exact meter, and therefore predictability. The concept works, but with a little more time, this could really zing.

    Cheers!
    | Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is wonderful poem, in its description of dreariness, and of the muse within us all. The only thing I'd change is 'my mind so weary'. I'd write my weary mind, which seems to flow better syntactically. That's all I can suggest, I wonderful write.

    Speacenik.
    | Posted on 2005-10-22 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]


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    78422

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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