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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: He Cares?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Oracle
    ASL Info:    24/ F /NY
    Elite Ratio:    4.63 - 423/313/46
    Words: 205
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1202
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1298



    Description:
       This one is a bit personal...

    About relationships gone wrong, and what a man will do to get and keep you, until death does you part..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHe Cares?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Spirited, she was beautiful with coffee brown skin

    type of girl, everybody was a friend

    Big Smile, Quick Wit
    he wanted to possess her,
    so he made up pretty lies
    gave things to impress her.

    Caramalized Eyes, warm and loving
    She trusted when she shoulda been running

    She gave up her gift, and then her life
    when she agreed to be his wife

    Now years have passed and arguments began
    nothing she does can please that man

    Eyes, that were once so vibrant now
    sheen with the flick of an eyebrow

    words are harsh and eyes glazed
    She can barely make it some days

    Eyes, dull and lifeless
    stare into a strangers face
    he yells and screams
    of her beautiful dreams, he makes a disgrace

    She once loved, She once gave
    now he puts her in the grave,
    because eyes so quick to shine, like diamonds in a mine
    will quickly lose luster, when you curse and cuss her.

    Eyes, dull and lifeless
    stare into a room
    sight unseen, is a chair at a very odd lean
    Legs dangle, feet meet air
    Now, tell me again girlfriend,
    How much did you say he cares?




    Submitted on 2004-04-19 19:56:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The focal point of the piece seemed to be helplessness. The choice to marry and stay with an abusive partner has crushed the life out of the subject. Yet the thought of admitting failure and leaving seems not an option.

    The feeling of being trapped really sang out in this write.
    | Posted on 2004-04-19 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      This was emotional. I have a strong opinion on verbal and physical abuse, and this affected me, as it gave sight to the stages that it often takes. A very good write. I would love to read more of your work.
    | Posted on 2004-04-19 00:00:00 | by Wonder Passing | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow babe.. this is really cool. I don't take the piss outta using "cool" either. Ohh, but it is so strong. It kept me enthralled all the way through and I was *riveted*. It's feisty, and from the heart. Takin' no more crap from here on, kind of thing.

    I've a few thoughts on the construction.. I know how good your work is though, and don't know how happy you are with this, so I won't mention them here but if you wanna know just PM me. It's not a lot or anything.

    I keep finding new sides to you! GO!!
    Lea
    | Posted on 2004-05-11 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really song like, excellent rhymes, I like the "caramelized eyes" and the next to last stanza best.
    | Posted on 2004-05-12 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      ive seen so many relationshipps where someone so bright and spirited has been broken down to almost nothing... (one was with my mother and father) so I can see the wold timeline of it... theyre sweet at first, then...slowly... they change....and its the memories of what 'once was' that hurt the most. very riveting piece, ma!
    | Posted on 2004-05-28 00:00:00 | by prettygrnEyes | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    7843

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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