Call to Those Lost by thehappyfaery

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Call to Those Lost dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	thehappyfaery
ASL Info:	17/f/floating over ga..
Elite Ratio:	8 - 106/46/17
Words:	96

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	263
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	698

Description:
kay.. thoughts here? suggestions? i dont care.. just be truthful, kay? i can take it ^-^ haha.. yeah and if ive spelt something wrong please correct me

thanks

::EDIT:: ..this was supposed to be centered, but im amazingly slow at figuring out computerness, so ..yeah.. sorry, just tell me what you think

Call to Those Lost dots

-------------------------------------------

the filters
placed over, your light
shines through

but we see nothing,
only a solid glaciation of mind
heightening to pliant fingers;

and striving towards ossification.

that motley expression, of which i caught a glimpse,
changes nothing in my poignant mind,
only breaks the brittle ties
of lucid thoughts, nostalgic dreams.

I beg you, close your eyes to the neon oxygen.
I see your tapering soul
I see your diminishing focus

lose not your way. find again your galled self,
put back the hackneyed words, and

re-enter a faery's realm.

Submitted on 2005-10-22 13:43:51 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  hmm.. i think i should like.. explain? this is more personal than anything. my nick name is "the happy faery" so yeah, there's a reference to myself in the last line. also, the vocab, well the whole thing is about a friend who's turned away into something else.. and thinks far better of himself now.. (thus the "ivy league" vocab) okay. im done.

<3 -peace
| Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by thehappyfaery | [ Reply to This ]
  interesting, but whats with all the Ivy League vocabulary? it seems like you are trying to prove something with complex words and such, but i'd advise backing off a bit... yeah big words are cool and they make you sound smarted, but they only serve to confuse many a reader or listener and turn some people off because they feel inept... one or two big words per poem would be alright, but you dont have anything to prove, you write great...
I really enjoyed the peice, it got right to the point and made me think a bit... thanks, i need to think sometimes...

PEACE and LOVE, greg
| Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by geherald | [ Reply to This ]
  Since you're looking for nonsensical remarks, what is this poem talking about? Anyways about it, you have a very strong vocabulary for your age, I'm 17 and I don't know all of those words. I love what you are saying, but I don't know what you are saying, I guess that's what makes good poetry, when you make your reader about things...if that is the case, then you are most definately a BRILLIANT poet

Great job!!!

Codee
| Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by vanhokinshtyl | [ Reply to This ]
  I enjoyed this for the most part. It was written in a manner that was very "to the point" and interesting still. I really hate it when writing is simply filled up with useless words just to have them there.

I don't think it needs a clear topic or thought, force the reader to interupt. Something that does not happen nearly often enough.

My complaint is in the structure. I think that the arrangement of the words doesn't help the flow, and might even hurt it. You might consider revising that. I just ignore the puncuation and it flows better.

Very nice style of writing, this was something I enjoyed.
| Posted on 2005-10-22 00:00:00 | by waffuru | [ Reply to This ]
  such an interesting method of describing one's thought, the words you used, and used consistently throughout this piece, compliment your varied vocabulary well, makes for a very thoughtful piece...as for misspelled words, hmm...didnt find any...and really the only question i had as to the correctiveness of the piece, was the topic, i guess its not as familiar to me as some, and maybe not my first choice as to be something i might wish to write of poetically...but i think a persons choice of words make or break any poem, because they filter out any sense of doubt, and i think you captured that in this piece...

tony
| Posted on 2005-10-22 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]
  Whoa.

Damn, good job. For some wierd reason I can completely see this as a chant used by anime fairies in a Tv show. *blinks* Toldya it was wierd.

I didn't really see any spelling mistakes. But I could be wrong. This part needs to be re-worded a little;

Your motley expression, seen only for a glimpse,

I'm pretty sure glimpse would have to be changed to 'moment' or 'split second' for it to work the way you wrote it. Or, you could re-word it so it says;

that motley expression, I've only seen a glimpse of,

Not trying to be a [censored], just saying.

-Sammy
| Posted on 2005-10-22 00:00:00 | by Raven_TheWolf | [ Reply to This ]
  I hereby declare my total lack of knowledge with regards to poetry. It is possible I am completely wrong, and/or misunderstood everything; please forgive me.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I am unable to comprehend many of the words, and so I may have missed their (those specific words) meaning, with referance to the whole, but it seems that their meaning becomes mute in the last line.

If we must put away our hackneyed words to restore our sense of wonder (or reenter a faery realm,) than the exact meaning of the large words you used earlier seems irrelevant.

It was a very nice touch to use the language of the "lost" (which i interpret to mean one who has lost their childishness & creativity) "academic" in a message to them. I think you are reaching out to a lost academic because of the seemingly unnesecarily complex diction in most of the poem.

(Or perhaps I am the lost academic and so I am reading myself into your poem...)

Overall: Very good, I believe the stylistic devices (mainly diction) you used illumiate your message about the importance of fantasy quite well.

(I only wish I had a better command of poetry so that I could do you/your poem better justice.)
| Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by dvd7936 | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.