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the day we met


Author: Sanjhana
ASL Info:    21/f/India
Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 118 /154 /45
Words: 148
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 852
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 969



Description:


hmmm.... crazy love huh?


the day we met



the day we met
was the day i broke
a million different pieces
crumbled at your strokes

the look of on your face
made me tremble throughout
as you walked over
my head swayed about

the sound of your voice
flowed over me
the hairs on my neck
stood up in glee

you touched my hand
in one sure move
gripping it firmly
you moved it to the groove

coming closer to you
i could smell your spice
a sniff of your cologne
was yummy and nice

you bent your head down
and kissed my lips
nibbling on your ear
my heart did flips

pulling back a little
you looked deep in my eyes
gave a genuine smile
my stomach had butterflies

the day we met
was the day i broke
a million different pieces
crumbled at your strokes




Submitted on 2005-10-22 15:56:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  see...i wouldn't say you change anything in this...its the poet's personal judgement...but the verse
'my stomach had butterflies'...seemed as if it was there only to rhyme...plus the line in itself...its good for ninth standard love essays...this could've been better...
-Devrath
| Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by Devrath | [ Reply to This ]
  I wouldn't know if love is crazy or not because I haven't fallen head over heels; with all that said : I like your poem very much.

Except for this line
"was yummy and nice"
I think you can write something much creative than "yummy" but hey, that's just me. Other than that, it was pretty good.
| Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by She Is Insane | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the innocence and sweetness in this poem with the emotions. I guess we take the lil things for granted when it comes to love and that is what i like about this poem is that you show it. Great Write.
Ali
| Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by sweet_innocence | [ Reply to This ]
  First off... I like yummy. It fits well with the image of spice... so nice : )

I think this is truly delightful in its innocence and simple emotions that aren't simple at all.

I hope I am not stretching or offending any cultural taboos, but I saw Rhada meeting Lord Krishna in this.

What would that first taste of divine love be like?

the day we met
was the day i broke
a million different pieces
crumbled at your strokes

I enjoyed this very much!

Chrystine
| Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
  Love is crazy..it makes you feel so many different things...sometimes feelings that seem crazy and at times some actions too...i think you have described it well...except this bit:

a sniff of your cologne
was yummy and nice

it seems like forced ryhme and the yummy doesnt seem to fit...but thats just my view :)
| Posted on 2005-10-22 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
  not crazy at all, often love brings heartbreak wheater when its when your together and you are sad inbetween the time you saw him last and the next time you will see him, or it may be in the end...for love never truley ends well...As for your poem, it was well writeen and expressive, keep it up..I look forward to seeing more!
| Posted on 2005-10-22 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]


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