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    dots Submission Name: in certainty of lostdots

    Author: waffuru
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 12/23/8
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 743
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 915

       a young budding love

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsin certainty of lostdots

    An emerald rain drop, a lake collecting waters. Trees slide into foggy graveyards. Daisies bloom where trees once stood. The strong and majestic replaced by the beautiful fragility.

    Feathers fall from an eagle's nest, I feel myself carried in your winds. Knit me a sweater or keep me warm, your hair echoes the snow. Fall colors fall onto us, to finally become what I always painted.

    lovers lost in leaves.

    Sunsets on an ocean shore, long passed trees come to rest, no longer with their gown of orange, red and dreams. These dreams you hid inside your locket. The place closest to your heart.

    light fills our eyes, I swear I feel you breathing. a deep breath and a long sigh. a kiss for good luck.

    a small boat on a river towards sea. dodging rocks and those trees. you promised me you'd stay close as we watched the water unfold.

    Submitted on 2005-10-22 22:23:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a lovey poem. I am such a sucker for a beautiful love poem so I dont know if I can give you and useful points here. I will say that you paint a beautiful picture with your words. I love all the descriptions and the randomness of your thoughts seem to all pull together and intertwine even though they are seperate...if that makes any sense. I somehow sense a sadness to these words, almost a disappointment as if maybe she hadnt stayed as she said she would? The ending here seems unfinished. As if there were more to this story but it was left out? It leaves it up to the reader's imagination to determine the outcome of this which is pretty cool. I enjoyed reading this. Very nice. Take care.

    | Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      you have a really good way of weaving a string of images , alomst like the random ballistic attention of our dreams or thoughts , but still you manage to keep that red thread working there .. the randomness underlying what carries a flowing thought is wicked .. this is excellent prose poetry. I wish I could be mo0re critical .. maybe next time around I can manage to not get caught in by the various garden paths that you weave through without having me trail off into each of them. .which is well done .. so che ..
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by x-ianhoyskolt | [ Reply to This ]
      Gorgeous language, but it tends to lean toward prose rather than poetic in form. I'd delineate the thoughts to single lines and bring them down to indivual voice.

    I especially enjoyed the line, "you promised me you'd stay close as we watched the water unfold." Cheers, and thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful, really…

    I like the formation of the lines because they suggest that you are actually trying to state things as normal as you can. But, the fanciful certainty of things just won’t let you be that normal.

    That in itself describes the piece so well.

    Being lost isn’t exactly the same as being misplaced when you carry your house with you. It is just as simple as saying that life is the water or the relationship and it will unfold.

    Of course, this whole thing could be a mistake… but what you feel is unmistakably what you want…

    Ergo you stay lost.

    “Fall colors fall onto us, to finally become what I always painted.
    lovers lost in leaves.”

    The leaves to me, symbolize death… or rather, the end of things. And that is something that appears to be evident in this world. But still, that fact that you painted it makes sense… because it is the knowledge and acceptance of death is the very thing that convinces us to search for life (whether it is to be found in a craft or in somebody else’s arms) and not be contented with a mere existence. And, the painting is a statement… saying… you will go on.

    I guess you could say that the uncertainty of life is the main thing that lets us know that we are alive.
    | Posted on 2005-10-22 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this poem.

    This poem is quite a cliché, in a sense that it is about being in nature, embracing nature, and being in love-again in nature.

    But that isn't all to the poem. It is although a much used idea, very unlike other poems related to love and nature. The metaphors that are used in the poem clearly set you apart, as a writer, from other writers.

    The only line, or, the most distinct line that gives me any memory of your poem is your last.

    "a small boat on a river towards the sea. dodging rocks and those trees. you promised me you'd stay close as we watched the water unfold."

    Clearly there is a abrupt cut to the rest of the poem. Maybe it will be revealed what happens to your lover in part 2? No, the poem is not some psychological twist, mind bending mystery story. Your poem solely relies on the strong, descriptive metaphors which almost completely captures the whole extent of nature as an entity and an ideal.

    The last line, atleast to me, is quite nostalgaic of that very time you are writing about. Being in the woods, within your lover's company, and in nature's. Because now, well, your not There anymore, its not Now.

    There is a sad tinge, a blue handful of words which conclude that happiness.

    A good write, keep it up.

    xo, jon
    | Posted on 2005-10-22 00:00:00 | by Dr.Strangelove | [ Reply to This ]

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