untitled
|
|
Description:
okay i wrote this, this moring i don't know where it came from and i can't think of a title so help me out with that...also COMMENT!!!! and tell me what you think....was it bad was it good can it use some work etc. etc.
untitled
Smooth dark skin five foot three just 2 1/2 inches taller than me hands running up my sides in between my thighs stare into my eyes and tell bullshit lies Smooth dark skin five foot three just 2 1/2 inches taller than me a whisper in my ear almost to LOUD to hear as he inter me where? the pain is coming near Smooth dark skin five foot three just 2 1/2 inches taller than me all he told were lies now i wanna die even wanna cry but it'll mess up my vibe Smooth dark skin five foot three just 2 1/2 inches taller than me why'd you leave me alone told me .....maybe it was because it was my first time and now i'm having your baby.. Smooth dark skin five foot three just 2 1/2 inches taller than me |
Submitted on 2005-10-23 10:07:37 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post
Comments
Like Tekin said its good... but need improvements... try to seperate... We see better your thoughts(personal opinion, take or leave) So ok anyway... continue... and this needs revision, and the title that Tekin left is good... so continue ur work, and maybe one day ull be the greateest!!! lets hope  so okay... I'll read ur next poem... and lets hope its a poem, cause letters ETC... aint my style at all... lol| Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by Wolfeye_666 | [ Reply to This ] | Well, it seems like a rough draft. I'm sorry to say the repitition doesn't help the message at all, and typographical errors abound. As for a title, how about, "What you left behind"? You have a good poem here, it just needs revision. | Tekin Kashami | Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by Tekin_Kashami | [ Reply to This ] | |
78513