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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dark Omens and Sugary Treatsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KaffyBoy
    Elite Ratio:    2.83 - 5/5/3
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 596
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 549



    Description:
       I was just wanting to write a little work of poetry for some friends, and just need some review on either good, bad, and what needs work. Thanks!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDark Omens and Sugary Treatsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dancing freely in the sparkling moonlight
    The spirits roam free, the conductors of fright
    The annual journey of vengeance and treachery
    For their past sins that they did not see
    Now they roam about in the street
    Behind the patter of true mortal feet
    But one thing the wraiths see
    Is that these mortals are free
    Little children in a game of make-believe
    Yet these spectres have yet to percieve
    Why they have not been looked upon.
    It's Halloween, let the candy flow on!




    Submitted on 2005-10-23 11:11:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's very nice.

    "But one thing the wraiths see
    Is that these mortals are free"

    During that phrase, the flow was thrown off, with the sentences being shorter than the rest. I'd add a few words there.

    Other than that, not too shabby.
    | Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by Yclipse | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it alot. It's funny somehow. I don't know how, not at all, but it really does remind me of halloween. Though then again my mind never is very nitpicking.
    Welcome to the site, awesome picture!
    | Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by Red_reaper | [ Reply to This ]


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