[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Dark Omens and Sugary Treatsdots

    Author: KaffyBoy
    Elite Ratio:    2.83 - 5/5/3
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 623
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 549

       I was just wanting to write a little work of poetry for some friends, and just need some review on either good, bad, and what needs work. Thanks!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDark Omens and Sugary Treatsdots

    Dancing freely in the sparkling moonlight
    The spirits roam free, the conductors of fright
    The annual journey of vengeance and treachery
    For their past sins that they did not see
    Now they roam about in the street
    Behind the patter of true mortal feet
    But one thing the wraiths see
    Is that these mortals are free
    Little children in a game of make-believe
    Yet these spectres have yet to percieve
    Why they have not been looked upon.
    It's Halloween, let the candy flow on!

    Submitted on 2005-10-23 11:11:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      It's very nice.

    "But one thing the wraiths see
    Is that these mortals are free"

    During that phrase, the flow was thrown off, with the sentences being shorter than the rest. I'd add a few words there.

    Other than that, not too shabby.
    | Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by Yclipse | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it alot. It's funny somehow. I don't know how, not at all, but it really does remind me of halloween. Though then again my mind never is very nitpicking.
    Welcome to the site, awesome picture!
    | Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by Red_reaper | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    untitled written by Chelebel
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    This written by Chelebel
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]