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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Neverland.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: She Is Insane
    Elite Ratio:    3.21 - 40/60/32
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1198
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1054



    Description:
       Not my best work. Just experimenting.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNeverland.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I've dreamed of neverland,
    before,
    a place where you stay a
    child forever;
    where you're two feet
    tall, with sticky fingers,
    and dark round eyes
    that explore the infinite
    abyss.

    Because childhood is
    less complex and imore
    innocent;
    it's a time before reality
    wraps you against its breast,
    and rapes you, silencing
    the screams with its
    wings flaping across
    your mouth.

    Because its a place
    where you run around,
    safely, with no worries
    except if Little Susie will
    share her crayons with you.
    Where you can fly if you
    wish to,
    where you can
    be whatever you want.

    I've dreamed of neverland,
    before,
    back when I sucked
    my thumb and
    thought everything
    was in black & white.

    I lived in neverland,
    when I used to be
    a good girl.




    Submitted on 2005-10-23 14:55:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this wasn't bad at all. liked the step toward imagination. what kept me interested was the way you wrote this. it felt so calm and relaxing.


    I lived in neverland,
    when I used to be
    a good girl.

    this ending is true for most people. your start of your life as a innocent child but as your grown, you start to learn and see new things and ideas and then you kinda tip over the edge of your innocence. loved it. iam adding this as a favorite. lovely.

    -lado
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by poeticblindness | [ Reply to This ]
      Not too bad at all, I quite liked it.

    You spaced out the stanzas well, so the reader doesn't get overwhelmed or bored, and I liked your take on the growing up and being raped by reality, that was a stunning contrast to the innocent descriptions of the rest.

    I think you under-rate this, I reckon you did well.

    be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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    78542

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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