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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Trappeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: josymanthegreat
    ASL Info:    21/m/GA from Puerto Rico
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 337/364/104
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 715
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 607



    Description:
       Yeah this is how I feel most the time just felt like writting it would be nice and letting yall see what I see... well leave a comment or holla at me if you want take care yall


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTrappeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    In this cage called life
    Which is rarely ever nice
    Where I have been slapped
    Feeling hopeless and trapped

    I have figured out
    That one mostly mopes around
    And if your soul is cracked
    Its beacuse you are trapped

    When you go across town
    Crying beacuse you are down
    Beacuse you are sophocating in a sack
    Its beacuse your trapped

    Then finally you raise up
    With the right train of thought
    You give a smile to the world
    Beacuse you are trapped no more







    Submitted on 2005-10-23 17:02:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I feel the same way somtimes. only Im in a box not so much a cage b/c I cant see what else is going on outside of my box and I cant make contact with other people outside my box. good write!

    Drea
    | Posted on 2005-10-27 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]
      The flow of this poem was a bit uneven which was distracting from the flow. There are also a few spelling mistakes such as 'because' and 'suffocated' that should be corrected. I liked how the poem progresses. You explain how in life you are often trapped but you don't stay there. Eventually you raise up. It gave the poem substance. Overall, I like the poem.
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by Amanda Bee | [ Reply to This ]
      well I was going to dive into the cage part but you have explained it in line 4 , 8, 12, and 16. yet the variation there in line 16 the “cured” one no longer feeling trapped gives a smile to the world. the lovely Lorna pointed out spelling already, so no need to go there. trapped in triple fold and going with the titled namely trapped. the unspecified category that’s something I do on my write because doesn’t matter to me “how” people comment. I like that line “And if your soul is cracked” doesn’t that resonate. the rest is simplistic, easy to understand. it's positive at the end with “"right” train of thought” nice job maybe it could use a little more in it, but I leave that up to you.

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      Great roundness of story, a full idea that you've thought through. Watch your near rhymes, as a reader will digress to make them fit together and derail them from you story.

    Keep on trucking;)
    | Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem you have here. It speaks quite logically and with lots of truth behind the words. It is seeing the world and life on two sides of the fence. I think we have all known this trapped feeling and it certainly is overwhelming but as long as you never lose hope, things always change, and just as they changed for the worst, they can change for the better. Time really does heal all and makes all the difference in regards to healing. And how you see things in your life makes a huge difference. If you can pull yourself out of negative thinking, a fresh positive attitude can make a world of difference. You have a couple of spelling errors here with "because" and "suffocating" and other than that this is a good write seeing things from both sides and how your thought process can make a huge difference in how you feel. Good Job! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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