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All Hallowed's Eve Tale

Author: dmm
ASL Info:    50/M/Minnesota
Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 741 /888 /102
Words: 219
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1396
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1441


I don't often write this kind of stuff but something possessed me (hee hee) Hope you enjoy it.

All Hallowed's Eve Tale

High on the hill I spied
a light upon the rocky crag.
Up I climbed the twisted path
tripping on the blackened slag.
What drew me nigh I cannot say
yet further did I scale.
As I neared that lofty tor
there rang a mournful wail.
I cast my hands against my head
to block that wicked shriek,
and tried to call for mercy
but found I could not speak.
There I lay in numbing fear
when silence gripped the night.
No sound except my pounding heart,
I closed my eyes in fright.
Trembling there I felt a chill
that crept into my bones.
The voice that had deserted me
now spewed out woeful moans.
Prayers my mother taught me
I repeated like a child.
What madness had possessed me
and brought me to this wild.
Sounds of something moving
behind the jagged rocks,
slowly coming closer,
my legs became unlocked.
Leaping unabandoned
near flying did I flee,
down that dark and twisted path
I ran or crept on knee.
To the bottom of that horrid hill
my bleeding feet arrived.
No dreams I held of beauty,
just the lust to stay alive.
Then risking just one glance
my tearful eyes turned toward that height,
and unable to control myself
back I walked into that light.

Submitted on 2005-10-23 17:53:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This was so cool! I love this. I love the way I was drawn into the poem, as if I was the one who is doing the running and being scared ten ways to Sunday. I loved the imagery used. I loved the flow. Another fav!

| Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  Ooooh! This is a spooky and chilling poem you have here. So appropriate for the upcoming halloween. I like the style you use here, not breaking this up into stanzas. It gives the reader a sense of haste and adds to the excitement of the poem. It flows very well and tells a very scary tale. I wonder what this light was that so cleverly drew you back in. A mystery it shall remain which is also very suited to this halloween poem. It leaves it up to the reader to fill in the answer or image whatever they want to see there. That is really good. The sense of urgency is well described as you experience the fight or flight adrenaline rush. This is very well done! Take care!

| Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Spooky thriller here, Dan. I enjoyed this read. I was thinking maybe if you split it up into stanzas more people would take the time to read and comment on it. Very well written, it has me wondering what exactly you saw and what made you want to go back. Guess I'll never know.
| Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Dan, this is great! A really good start, lock the reader in (coz ya gotta find out what happens) and a really cool, spooky ending.
I reckon you have a winner here, the only things I could find to advise was:

"to block that terrible shriek," I'd find a two-syllable word to replace terrible, maybe "banshee"

"nearly flying did I flee,:" I'd replace the "nearly with "near" or "fair" or a one-syllable word.

Otherwise, I thought it was excellent. New, and spooky, and fantastic for the season.

Great Work

be Happy

| Posted on 2005-10-23 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

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