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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Pathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Deep_Monty
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 52/76/20
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 259
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1069



    Description:
       I wrote this one night by candle light, just a story I concieved. I like it. It ties into what is happening in my life right now.

    Always remember to take a look and see the love around you, that you never noticed before.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Pathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She walks alone
    Down the long, winding path
    And never stops to see
    The love awaiting her glance

    Beauty is all around her
    Longing to be seen
    Though she's determined to keep moving,
    And pass this foreign sight

    She knows not love
    When it waits at her front door
    Yet she longs for the day
    That her partner finally comes.

    He walks the path
    Beside this lonely girl
    And gives all his love
    To an unreceptive wall

    He holds her hand
    When she is afraid
    That they'll never again
    See the light of day

    A fork in the path
    Which shall they take?
    "We won't," says the girl,
    "I'll take one. You, the other."

    They follow their own paths
    each step lonelier than the last
    But they can never go back
    They gave up what they once had.




    Submitted on 2005-10-23 23:50:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A fork in the path
    Which shall they take?
    "We won't," says the girl,
    "I'll take one. You, the other."

    They follow their own paths
    each step lonelier than the last
    But they can never go back
    They gave up what they once had.


    I can relate to that part because I've pushed people away so much that sometimes I wish I could go back and do the opposite but don't or can't. Anyway your poem was bold and truthful.

    It kind of reminded me of Robert Frost's poem about the Road not Taken, (I think it was him, if not forgive me) in the beginning.
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by She Is Insane | [ Reply to This ]
      A very true and powerful poem

    We all at times like to go with our first hunch but in a case like this some thinking would have been better sought
    but

    Whos to say they dont connect again when there faced with the next door

    Take Care
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Dang it Jared, why does this have to be so applicable to life in so many ways?? It gets rather annoying... ahh. --Yes, I'm still laughing, and it was a very nicely worded poem... actually, I really liked it, no joke (except the fact that it means /way/ too much to me right now... like a metaphorical update on my life... -sigh)

    No, I really liked the forked path: you turned something so cliché' to a new light, gave something old a new perspective. Quite refreshing is what I really think.

    "They follow their own paths
    each step lonelier than the last
    But they can never go back
    They gave up what they once had."

    Best stanza by far, "Each step lonlier than the last" couldn't be more profound right now, then agian, it's six-fourty-five, and this is a highly personal comment... anyway...

    I do like what it says because it not only lets you catch some subtle --yet useful-- imagery, but it also brings something people have meant to say into words so simple... why are easy things so hard to say with such little words?

    It only depresses me that they can't go back. Boy, is /that/ girl stupid or what?

    --Alexis
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by Imari | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent write, great wording, this is going to be added to my favorites list.
    This reminds me of much within my own life...some of it happening recently as a matter of fact, it also reminds we of circles...how we sometimes travel paths to come back to one another in time...sometimes ...
    ~Alan
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very good ! I related to it and felt the words as if I was the one speaking them. I love this stanza the most :

    He walks the path
    Beside this lonely girl
    And gives all his love
    To an unreceptive wall

    It just really spoke a miilion and one words to me. Great Job! ~~Donna~~
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by ThatWasOnceMe | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this is honestly one of the best poems I have read lately... If you've ever seen my cooments before, you'll know that I'm not the kindest, but this was really something else, so take that as you will... I really enjoyed reading the because of the style it was written in and that general feeling of solitude that accompanies it. A powerful piece to say the least. Keep up the good writing
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by Meckes | [ Reply to This ]



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