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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: At A Glancedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 225
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 716
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1331



    Description:
       Ever see someone that just takes your breath away and you aren't particularly attracted to them or anything...but they are just so fucking beautiful...so pretty. So awesome. But then you don't really understand what is so pretty about a normal person. I think that it is because we see ourselves as mundane...and sometimes something so normal can be really pretty because we secretly want someone to notice this in us.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAt A Glancedots
    -------------------------------------------


    they all turn to look at her as she walks to her seat
    her hair is kept at her shoulders, brown
    her eyes are kept to the floor,green
    she's pretty and they notice
    but they haven't yet seen what's in her head
    prejudgment can condemn
    or make her beautiful
    but lets back up for a second
    right now she is just a girl
    then you think she is pretty
    okay at this thought you begin to decide if you like her
    she takes a sip of coffee
    she checks for something in her bag
    she seems so normal but she is really pretty
    and her hair is just brown
    and her eyes are just green
    she's just a girl
    but everything you see in her is so pretty
    you can relate to her
    because she is so normal
    because you are normal
    and you hope secretly that someone would watch you the way you see her
    you hope that they notice that you move your lips with your headphones on
    that you lick your finger before turning the pages in your book
    and I hope that someone else see's this
    because I know you hope while you watch her
    I know you want to be loved while you follow her hands with your eyes
    you want to
    because I want to
    because we are human




    Submitted on 2005-10-24 13:06:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      was this actually about someone? I would love to know. I think it's very beautiful. But my favorite part is this...

    because you are normal
    and you hope secretly that someone would watch you the way you see her
    you hope that they notice that you move your lips with your headphones on
    that you lick your finger before turning the pages in your book
    and I hope that someone else see's this

    I think we all do things, hoping that someone else is looking, and seeing what we're doing, and admiring us, and thinking, "That is beautiful." I really do like this one.
    | Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah this reminds of this girl i work with. she is like superbly beautiful. she just makes me wanna grab her and take her away into space or something . . . ok maybe not space . . . that was stupid. but yeah - i get the feeling. i "watch" her . . . but not in some weird way. i couldn't really do that - she is just too beautiful. but she does make me feel like my pants are gonna burst. but that's another thing i think.
    | Posted on 2005-10-29 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      A very cute story explaining a beautiful girl, but kind of leaves us hanging with what all is going on in her head, what is her life like, who does she end up with? A very good read, don't keep us in suspense, we want to hear more of this:)
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      i think you give the reader a picture in thei head that some comments cant fathom to be real and some paint your picture of a face they seen that was beautiful
    all in all i think the title tells your story and the words take the reader to their special face of beauty
    well done and thanx fo the commments
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh I really like the title too! Just toy with it some more because I'd really love to see what you can do with this idea, it's awesome! I thought I was the only 1 that felt that way. :)
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by literary lover | [ Reply to This ]
      I LOVE (L-O-V-E) the idea in this poem but I think you need to keep us guessing a little bit more & use more descriptive language. Try toying with it a little more & see what you come up with. I really like the 1st 3 lines. But definately needs more descriptive language instead of telling us in straight sentences, because then it loses it's sense of being a poem.
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by literary lover | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a decent poem. I'm not going to say anything about the rhyming cause people don't like it when others do that. I do understand where you are coming from on this piece. I really want this guy to notice me the way I notice him. I want him to love me the way I secretly love him. But, I can never get the guts up to tell him. This is a good poem and i hope others can relate to it, too.
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


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