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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Remember Joydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jesus etc.
    ASL Info:    17/f/ca
    Elite Ratio:    5.09 - 31/43/32
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Story/Serious
    Total Views: 805
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 759



    Description:
       this is an experiment. i usually don't write like this.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRemember Joydots
    -------------------------------------------


    “So, I figure as long as I’m able to function, I’m okay.”
    “You aren’t a machine, you know.”
    “You forget. I know what I am.”
    “Deception, deception.”

    I practically clung to my wall as if it were all I had and manufactured illusions the way mornings would if nights weren’t so dull. In all the wrong places there was the sun; a subtle plasticity when lights crashed a round slice of her face. She made a nice photograph with the lamppost and I idolized her. But then I became frightened at the thought of how easily both are ruined; knowing that if something happened, I wouldn’t be able to look away.

    “I’ll miss you today.”
    “You’ll forget.”
    “I don’t forget. You know that.”
    “Right. Right.”




    Submitted on 2005-10-24 15:38:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this, it's very "slice of life". It seems to have a breathless energy, kind of stream of consciousness-y, which I think really works. Being so short for a piece of prose is daring, but I think you pulled it off quite well. I liked the description of the light hitting her face. The imagery was distinct; the things that the narrator notices are what defines a piece, and I think that the attention to aesthetics that you employed here really fit in well. But... you might want a period after the last quotationed "right", since it IS a quote.
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by Kristen Gudsnuk | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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